Having a New Baby Is Not a Model Upgrade


Having a New Baby Is Not a Model UpgradeI’m currently pregnant with my fourth child. Yes, I can see you giving me the side eye and just waiting to ask questions like, “Was it planned? Do you know what causes that?” OK, maybe YOU wouldn’t be that untactful, but it sure doesn’t stop the general population from asking these things and worse.

The questions are painful and annoying and make me want to ask other people things like, “Hey, couldn’t you have more than two kids? You know how to make that happen, right?” But since I’m not incredibly rude, I will keep those comments to myself.

(I totally believe you have the right to have as many or as few kids as you would like. Period. And asking people questions about it just leads to bad stuff. Read this fantastic article.)

I’m most taken aback, though, by the conversations that go like this:

“I am so sad Libbie is going to be in second grade! She’s so big!”

“Yeah but you’ll have a new baby soon!”

Don’t get me wrong; I love babies. I love everything about babies except sleep deprivation, and there have been times I’ve been tempted to have ten kids just to smell newborn heads and nurse tiny infants who won’t bite me. (Except the whole pregnancy thing, which does not agree with me and four times is quite enough.)

But having a new baby is not trying to upgrade your child to a newer model. I’m not attempting to replace my current children! They are all different people, and they are all my babies. If I want to be sad that my eldest is becoming more of a big kid, that she is flying through elementary school and it hurts my heart, I CAN BE SAD ABOUT IT. Yes, I am going to do it all again (and again…and again) with her younger siblings. But I can still grieve a little that she’s past being a baby, toddler, preschooler. It still hurts my heart when I realize my second-born is headed to kindergarten and Joshua, my 3-year-old, might not want to snuggle against my cheek very much longer.

Somehow I think moms of two or five or eight kids would agree with me. Please don’t treat my pregnancy like I’m trading in our car for a new model. If I tell you I’m sad David is going to kindergarten or that Joshua outgrew his shoes or any of the other 12 million things that might make me cry right now…will you just give me a hug and tell me it’s OK to be sad? Thanks.


  1. I like to read things that make me think about things I say. I often say things trying to be positive when really the words aren’t always helpful. Thanks for the insight – I need all the help I can get when it comes to opening my mouth! 🙂

  2. That’s as bad as all those people who wanted to know after I had my twins, “Are you going to have any more?” How on earth are the decisions two parents make about whether or not they plan to add to their family any concern for anyone outside their family?!

  3. I’m also a mama to four yes 4 and I couldn’t be more happy and thankful for each and every one of my children! There are hard days for SURE but the good days out number the bad! We are still I’m awe that God entrusted us with 4 humans!!! Prepair yourself for the outrageous questions people like to ask!!!?
    Best of luck Jessie!!!

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