Personality tests all serve the same purpose: to group us together, give us a team, assign us a role and a place to call home. Whether you subscribe to the Enneagram philosophy, believe in the power of Myers-Briggs, or find comfort in a GIF-laden BuzzFeed quiz, you take these tests for the same reason that we all do. We want to know we’re not alone.
I can think of no greater personality test than the one afforded 11-year-olds who get accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And while I might want to write an entirely-too-long essay on all the ways the Sorting Hat is both stunningly astute and completely bonkers, I won’t do that here.
Instead, I’ll take the easy way out and just give you some tidbits so you can say, “Ha! Yep. That’s me.” Ready to see how your personality fits in with the Harry Potter books? Here’s your mom style according to the four Houses of Hogwarts.
As a Gryffindor mom, you’re probably only skimming this post, at best. Brave they may be, but Gryffindors aren’t known for philosophy. They’re the doers of the bunch, the go-getters, the adventurers, the explorers. You’re what everyone thinks about when they hear the phrase “mama bear.” Because of your ferocious need to protect, especially those who can’t defend themselves, you don’t back down from a fight (and you might even start a few given the right circumstances). Those weirdos taking a hike on New Year’s Day instead of sleeping in like the rest of us? That’s you and your brood. You might not be a total adrenaline junkie, but you’re always looking for new experiences to show your kids – because doing something is better than talking about it.
Hufflepuff House gets a bad rap because, let’s face it, J.K. Rowling set them up for failure with the Sorting Hat’s own admission: “Said Hufflepuff, ‘I’ll teach the lot, / And treat them just the same.’” But these badgers aren’t just a hodgepodge of people without defining characteristics like bravery or cunning. No, Hufflepuffs are loyal, fair-minded, and hardworking. As a Hufflepuff mom, you’re willing to give your kids – and just about anyone – the benefit of the doubt. This allows you to judge squabbles fairly, listen to more than one side of an argument, and dole out discipline with the kind of care and restraint that others imagine only exist in parenting books. And thanks to that work ethic, you try hard at life, which will rub off on your kids, too.
There’s no such thing as “baby talk” or “baby-proofing” when it comes to a Ravenclaw mom. Known for their wisdom, wit, and superior intellect, Ravenclaws don’t have time to slow down for themselves, let alone other people. As a Ravenclaw mom, you expect your kids to learn things as they should: through thoughtful experiment and trial-and-error. You use big words (on purpose) to build your children’s vocab, invest in Montessori-approved toys and methodology, and take an almost nonchalant approach to things like eating, sleeping, and getting dressed. Are they fed and wearing clothes? Done. You don’t care what others think, and this slight tilt towards arrogance actually serves you well in preparing your kids for the real world. Ravenclaw moms send their children into the world with a good head on their shoulders.
Dear Slytherin mom, don’t believe the haters who just don’t understand you. At all. Sure, Slytherin House might be pegged as “the evil House,” but evilness isn’t a trait that the Sorting Hat ever mentioned. Cunning, willing to do anything to achieve their ends – these can be good characteristics in a mom, especially when it comes to protecting her offspring. As a Slytherin mom, you want the best for your kids, for no other reason than that they inherently deserve it. You’re just as protective as a Gryffindor mom but only for your own family. You have a thirst to prove yourself, which means you don’t make decisions lightly or with ease. Plus, a natural distrust in other humans isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You’ll prepare your kids early in life for the harsher realities ahead.
Like all personality tests, the Sorting Hat only tells one part of the story. Hermione is brave and clever. Harry is courageous and fair. Ron got in because of his talented family.