Your Love Language, Not Mine


Your Love Language, Not Mine If you have ever read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you are probably familiar with the notion that each of us show love in different ways. Chapman explains that there are five love languages and they are characterized by the following:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Verbal acknowledgement of affection; saying “I love you,” or “I am proud of you.”
  2. Acts of Service: Doing things to make your partner’s life easier and alleviating jobs from workload.
  3. Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together, like walks or watching a movie together
  4. Giving Gifts: Deliberate, thoughtful visual symbols of love.
  5. Physical Touch: Physical signs of affection such as hugs, holding hands, kisses.

Each love language represents different ways we express love to the people around us. A website was developed for people to take a short quiz to determine their own love language. You can take the quiz here. I highly recommend you do this with your partner as well as your kids. By taking the quiz, I found out that Acts of Service is my primary love language. I appreciate when people do things for me to take the burden off the many responsibilities I have. This can look like putting the kids to bed, running errands, or cooking dinner. My husband’s love language is words of affirmation. This looks like verbal encouragement, unexpected “I love you” texts, and affirming words.

Ironically, Words of Affirmation falls to the bottom of my own love language list. I don’t crave verbal affirmation. This leads to not always showing that specific love language consistently to my husband because it’s out of my comfort zone. What I have come to realize is that sometimes we show love in our own love language instead of our partner’s or kids’ love language. It’s important to question if you are showing love in a way your partner will appreciate or if it is something that is comfortable to you.

It’s also important to note that love languages can change over time. During my younger years, I appreciated gifts. After having kids, I prefer to give gifts rather than receive. As we grow and change, so does the way we show love. While the love languages won’t fix relationship issues, they are a great way to show appreciation to the people around us.

Being intentional about expressing our love in a way that allows it to be received positively helps build stronger bonds.