If Moms Ran the Election


As I am sure you are very aware, we are in the middle of a rather insane presidential election season. Debates have been held, some campaigns have run their course, and we are darn close to knowing who our two main parties will have as their nominees. Just like in previous elections, I want to stay in the know, get all the info I can, and make an informed decision. However, unlike previous years, I now have a toddler who has to be fed, clothed, entertained, sang to, read to, changed, told she can not use the dog’s tongue to wash her hands, etc. It is safe to say my life has changed, and it is much harder to stay informed. With all that said, I would like to make a few (very minor) suggestions for how we could change up the election and make it easier for parents like me.

If Moms Ran the Election

1. Make election season shorter

In the amount of time it takes us to narrow down a field of candidates, I can do the following: make a baby, have the baby, do 700 loads of laundry, wash the same sippy cup approximately 500 times, watch all episodes of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood at least twice, cut 643 grapes in half, and lose approximately 43 baby socks in the dryer. Do you know how I know I can do that? I have already done most of those things, and will probably be doing the second one right around the time we finally get around to deciding who our next Commander in Chief is going to be. I guess what I am saying is, I can make an actual human before we as a country can make a decision. Go figure.

2. Change up the debates

There have been twenty-two presidential primary debates so far during this election. TWENTY-TWO! Listen up, candidates. I often do not have time to wash my hair. What in the world makes you think that I have the time and/or energy to tune in to twenty-two debates, sort through all the yelling and name calling, and figure out exactly what it is you are saying you will do? Not happening. On top of all that, some of the debates were at 9pm! I fall asleep during Game of Thrones at that time, and it is full of naked people and fighting. No way I am staying awake during your monologue about foreign policy. Don’t get me wrong, I am very much in favor of being an informed voter and taking the privilege and responsibility of voting seriously, but I have stuff I need to do! Like sleep. And watch Netflix. My time without a child clinging to me is limited, and I have to spend it wisely.

3. Get on the television programs we watch

Look… Keep doing your thing on CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC, but also take the time to get on some of the television programs that we actually get to watch throughout the day. Get drawn into Doc McStuffins to talk health care reform. Make an appearance on Sesame Street, and talk to Elmo about fiscal responsibility. Not only will you be getting future generations interested in politics, but you will reach a whole set of parents who only get to watch PBS Kids and Disney Junior. It’s a win/win!

Tomorrow's word is 'Establishment.'
Tomorrow’s word is ‘Establishment.’

4. Be nice to each other

Parents spend enough time listening to their children call each other names, sling insults, and argue. Many of us live with miniature people who think the funniest word in the English language is “fart.” The last thing we want to watch when we do actually have the time to check in on the election is fully grown adult men and women acting like toddlers. Behave! In fact, let’s implement a new rule. For every mean thing you say about your opponent, you have to say two nice things. Don’t make us take your blackberries away. We will figure out a way to do it.

How would you make the election process more mom friendly? Let us know in the comments!