“You’re never gonna please everyone” is a phrase and a reality that I have a hard time admitting. I’m a people-pleaser, I know this.
My personality score is ESFJ (the Consul), which means I really love people. I love talking to them, serving them, making people happy. And while I am doing this, I am balancing a million different tasks. But as I get older and my responsibilities grow (hello child #1 and child #2), I realize I can’t do it all and you’re never gonna please everyone. This is a hard pill for me to swallow. I like piling up my plate and doing it all. It brings me joy to help others, my friends, and love others.
But as my responsibilities grow, my priorities have to shift. I realize I can’t always balance it all.
Sometimes a sick child happens that shifts all our plans, a work commitment suddenly takes priority over a get-together, or a burnt out parent just needs a night alone, and the list could go on and on. I bet you have thought of a particular situation too.
The thing is others don’t always know what’s happening behind the scenes. They just see you again not making the party or that you are becoming distant from others. I think that is where we all have to remember that you never know what’s going on behind closed doors, literally and figuratively. You don’t know why someone has said “no” to you. It could be anxiety, depression, loneliness, exhaustion. You also don’t know why someone excitedly responded “yes.” It could be anxiety, loneliness, exhaustion.
What I do know is that you’re not always going to please everyone. It is important to put on your own life jacket, fill up your own bucket, do what’s best for your own little family and self first. Prioritize your obligations: homework, work, family downtime, etc.
You have to perform maintenance on yourself before you can care for others.
I have learned that it’s okay to say “no” and be humbled that I can’t do it all…make every playdate, get-together, moms’ night out, birthday party, etc. Or when I’m planning a function that not everyone is going to be able to come…because life happens!
I have also learned that I need to surround myself with the people who build me up. Not long ago, a good friend said that we’re at the time of our lives where good friends are precious and we need friends who are going to fill us up because — as all moms know — the ability to hang out with friends is a very much cherished time. So, for me, that means women who are going to be encouraging, uplifting with prayer, and loving with their actions.
So that may mean saying “yes” to certain hang outs and “no” to other ones that I know will be draining for me. As a mom, we have so much little extra energy to give, but if you share it with the right people, they can leave your oil light burning, whereas others can blow it out.
Truthfully, it will never matter how many moms’ nights out you are invited to, parties you host, or likes you receive. The true friendship we are all looking for is the one where it isn’t perfect; it’s raw, it’s quirky, it’s filling. It’s the one where you share your struggles. It’s where you have playdates and the house looks lived in. It’s the one where you drop off goodies at your friend’s door because you know she’s having a hard week. It’s the ones where you are left encouraged. The ones where you can cry, laugh, admit you’re exhausted, lonely, or hopeless. It’s the one where you celebrate each other’s accomplishments!