I have two boys, and they are obsessed with superheroes. Captain America, Superman, Spiderman, Ninja Turtles – you name it, they have the t-shirt and probably an action figure. They haven’t seen many of these characters in action, but they know what a superhero does – saves the day, rescues people, wears a costume, etc.
I don’t know everything there is to know about superheroes either, but I know that along with their intense abilities, they always have one tragic flaw and/or nemesis. The things we do as moms can often only be described as superhuman, but none of us are without flaw. And without question, even with the insane things we are capable of, we envy other moms and their powers.
So, without further ado, here is a running list of mom superpowers (I personally guarantee that on a good day, I can only be a few of these superheroes, and definitely not the ones near the bottom of the list – EVER):
The Masked Multitasker
She has the insane ability to do twelve things at once. She can read a book to a child, start laundry, and cook dinner, all while talking on the phone. Sometimes, she doesn’t even burn dinner (nobody perfect, not even superheroes).
Tragic Flaw: Since it’s not humanly possible to do everything at once, if she adds one too many things, the Masked Multitasker is reduced to a heap of tears, and everyone else in the house is left confused.
Siren of Senses
No matter where she is, she can see and hear you. And if she doesn’t hear you for a while, it’s even worse. She can spring into action when she hears the sound of pain, and she can “ignore” tears and scream of anger when her immediate attention is not needed. She sleeps with one ear always listening, and she watches every situation like a hawk. She also knows a sick child before he/she even starts complaining.
Tragic flaw: She overanalyzes every sound, every look, and every cough. And it’s exhausting.
Phantom Mommy
While other people sleep, Phantom Mommy sneaks through the house, starting the dishwasher, pushing toys out of the path from the bedroom to the bathroom, and doing laundry (but probably leaving it in the dryer because Phantom Mommy like to sleep/watch Netflix). It may seem like magic to an outside observer, but it’s Phantom Mommy, working hard to make things happen for the good of the household.
Nemesis: Legos on the floor of a dark room (every.single.time.).
Guardian Girl
Fiercely protective, she is quick to jump to her kids’ defense and quick to reprimand when it’s needed. She jumps to the ready when a stray child runs into a parking lot, and she has the best fix for any skinned knee or hurt feeling. She is the signer of all forms and the giver of all important information about the family.
Alter Ego/Nemesis: Guardian Girl turns Mama Bear when she’s pushed too far, and although it is not always a bad thing, it can be. Oh, and Guardian Girl can be easily thwarted by her arch nemesis Worry Woman.
Mistress of Memory
Thank the sweet lord for smartphone apps and Google calendar… It’s someone’s birthday? She knows. Favorite snack from that one time at that place? It’s in your stocking at Christmas. You need yellow playdough for pre-school tomorrow? Well, she forgot about that until the night before when she found the reminder in her child’s lunch box, but a quick daddy trip to Walmart for cream of tartar will solve that one and no one will be the wiser. But hey, at least it got done, and no one knows she cried trying to mix homemade playdough at 10pm… Anyway, with the power of her trusty sidekick (smartphone), she has a memory that won’t forget the simplest information, unless of course, she forgets to put the information in her phone to begin with or the snack sheet slides under the van seat and nobody noticed.
Tragic flaw: I think I’ve already said too much.
Pinterest Parent
She can be inspired by pictures online and make them happen in a flash. She sees ideas, spends countless dollars on supplies/food, and makes those picture dreams a reality. She knows how to find just the right recipe or plan a theme party like no one you’ve ever seen.
Tragic flaw: Have you ever looked up Pinterest fails? Click this link and feel better about yourself!
Laundry Lady
She has the ability to wash, fold, and put away laundry with the greatest of ease. She always knows where the white tank top is or where the black trouser socks are because they are clean, put away, and never buried in the bottom of a forgotten clothes hamper.
Tragic flaw: She never gets a break because clothes are always dirty.
Caped Crafter
She is fully stocked with pipe cleaners, glue sticks, and googly eyes. She paints, draws, and creates with no worry of the mess or the tiny slivers of paper raining onto the floor from child-proof scissors.
Tragic flaw: Where will she keep all the projects? There’s just not enough storage space.
Reminder – no mom has all of these powers, because truly that is cruel punishment to the rest of us. If you happen to possess more than, let’s say three of these superpowers, please keep it to yourself. The rest of us are fighting back these tragic flaws and bad guys like life depends on it for the good of our fair city.
