Recently, twins appeared at our front door. At first I thought they were selling cookies or some nonsense. They stood at my door, looking lost, along with their big brother. My older son came to the door and said, “Oh yeah. We talked about getting together.” “We who?,” I thought to myself. I didn’t know these kids. I couldn’t figure out whether this was a problem or not. My mothering instincts were failing me. We didn’t have any plans so I thought it would be fine. The kids could play for an hour. Then, the brother turns to me and says, “They don’t have to be home until 6.” It was only 3:30pm. Am I now the babysitter for these kids? After about an hour of play, we walked them back to their house.
If it’s not already obvious, my social skills are lacking as well as my sense of boundaries.
This entire episode reminded of a Smithsonian Magazine article about mother’s instincts. The female cheetah has some of the strongest maternal instincts. The cubs are not born with survival instincts, so she must teach them to hunt and avoid predators. These lessons can take up to two years. TWO YEARS. IN THE WILD. SIX OR MORE CUBS. BY HERSELF. These mommas definitely discuss boundaries with their little ones. It’s a matter of life or death. So I started thinking about boundaries to discuss with my kids and rules that are important for their safety and my sanity.
I’ll be honest; play dates terrify me.
What do I do with these kids? If I keep them occupied, will they be too busy to get angry at one another? We all know there will be a fight when someone won’t share or someone gets too bossy. The structured play idea, (blame it on my former teacher brain) sounds good, but only works for so long. All this discussion of play dates makes me crazy. I’m already thinking of an exit plan which leads me to the point of this post…appropriate rules. 
Exchange numbers
This rule should be a given. It’s essential to know the numbers of your kids’ friends. It’s just safe. I’d never met or even spoken to these parents. To some moms, this lack of communication may be okay. But, to introverted moms, it can cause a mild sense of panic.
Only drop off when ready
This rule applies to parents and the kids. Age three is recommended but I’d say older too. I’d rather get to know the parents of my kids’ friends. Stay. Have a cup of coffee. Have a snack.
Don’t overstay
If your kids are young, an hour is probably plenty of time. Actually, I’d say an hour is good for any age. But, this corresponds to the comfort level of the parent. But, most people would agree that two hours is tops.
Playground
If you’re not comfortable with kids in your house, a playground is a good option. You don’t have to worry about a structured play, or mess, or sharing toys. If you have little kids, playgrounds are quite daunting. Your child may run around, pick up dirt, climb structures, so it’s a good option if you have lots of parents to help each other. But, for older kids, they can run off some energy and use some imagination. Meanwhile the parents can have a conversation, even if it’s a short one.
Ensure other parent helps out
Let them bring a game or toys their kid prefers. This plan may guarantee there won’t be any arguments. Or if there are sharing issues, each child has his or her own toy.
Bring snacks
When you are invited to an adult party, a small gift shows your appreciation. Think of the snacks as hostess gifts for the kids. The host mom may have some pretzels or apple slices, but you can always bring some goldfish or animal crackers.
Water and firearm safety
If there is a pool, creek, pond, or any type of water source, there needs to be an adult present and supervising play time. Even older kids can misinterpret the dangers of water play. Again, I’m not a free range mom. As for firearms, these need to be locked up and unloaded. Curious children, no matter their age, can and will play with weapons. Adult supervision is essential.
So, back to my son’s buddies. Over the next week, they appeared a couple more times. One time, they came bearing a note with their parents’ phone numbers. That day was not a good day for play, so I sent the little people home and I also sent their mom a text message suggesting a better time for their next visit.
Let me know your ideas. Do you have any awkward play date stories? How do you communicate with parents?
