With three young boys, birthdays are a big deal in our household. If your children are anything like mine, they literally look forward to their big day all year. My oldest boys start counting down to their next birthday the day after the one they just celebrated. It’s an exciting time for them, but can also be a stressful time for parents.
When my first son turned one, we went all out for his birthday party. This was my first baby, so we were going big. I made painstakingly detailed pirate invitations, bought every pirate decoration I could find, had tons of food on hand, and invited everyone in my address book. I cleaned my house for days, and made sure nothing was out of place when our guests arrived. My husband and I opened more presents than we could count because, let’s be honest, our son wasn’t interested in any of them. He went to bed that night a very spoiled one-year-old, and I went to bed proud (and very exhausted) of the party I had pulled off.
My stress level was through the roof that day, so I must’ve done something right, or so I thought.
When his second birthday rolled around, I had him and a four-month-old to take care of, but I still wanted a fun and memorable party. Over the next few years we had birthday parties at the Chattanooga Zoo, YMCA swimming pool, Chester Frost Park, and more exciting places. I may have slacked on the small details a bit, but I was still paying a pretty penny to celebrate my sweet boys, and I was stressed out the whole time because I was so worried about the party. Everything was picture-perfect and was the standard for a fun birthday.
When my third son arrived on the scene though, all of the elaborate birthday parties came to a halt.
With three boys five and under, I didn’t have the time nor the energy to plan big parties. A few months after the baby arrived, I hosted our middle son’s birthday at a local park…for free. We invited our family and a few friends, and he had a ball. He got to open presents, eat cake, play with his friends, and all it cost me was the price of some snacks and paper ware. It was fantastic and eye opening at the same time! Before his birthday, I was feeling some major mom guilt for dropping the ball on the party planning, but he made me realize that the cost and location didn’t matter. As long as he was being celebrated, he was happy.
Ever since that sweet little party, we’ve never looked back.
In fact, we’ve simplified our celebrations even more. We’re fortunate in that our boys have loads of cousins, so we’ve started just inviting them, aunts and uncles, and grandparents. As they get older, I know they’ll want to do things with their friends, but right now they’re happy with family. I text them the party information and call it a day — I haven’t made an invitation in years. I’ve also started having their parties at free venues and locations. Some of our best parties have been at the McDonald’s PlayPlace. Everyone comes and eats lunch, the kids play on the playground, we open presents, sing, eat cake, and call it a day. They’re so happy running around with their cousins and having presents to open that they don’t care how much I’m spending on a location. They’re also getting old enough now to understand that the less money we spend on a party, the more we can spend on presents. They’re big fans of that! I’m still able to walk away with tons of cute pictures and great memories, despite not being stressed out or breaking the bank.
As I mentioned above, it’s easy to let the mom guilt settle in when you don’t feel like you’re doing enough for your child’s birthday. It’s also easy to compare your party to someone else’s, thanks to Facebook and Instagram. I think a lot of our guilt and anxiety stems from that — comparison. As moms we instinctively want to give our children the best of everything, and if someone else has a better party, we don’t feel like we’re giving them what they deserve. The beautiful thing about children though is that they don’t care. They don’t care what their birthday celebration is going to look like once it’s posted on Facebook; they just want a special day to themselves. They want cake, presents, attention, and fun memories, not handwritten invitations and matching decor. Once I realized this, it was so freeing. My boys were still having the birthday of their dreams, but I could focus all of my attention on them instead of every little detail needed for an elaborate party.
Birthdays are so much better for everyone now that we’re back to the basics.
