Did you know April is National Autism Awareness Month? As a mom with four children, two of whom are on the spectrum, April is a special month for our family. We are raising our kids to be accepting of all children and to be understanding and kind to everyone. That doesn’t mean things always run smoothly, but it does mean that we have difficult conversations and learn from our mistakes.
My oldest two kiddos are eleven and nine and they know that their siblings are on the autism spectrum and they work hard to be understanding. It’s hard sometimes, but that’s where we have to give ourselves and others a little grace. My seven-year-old knows that God made him special — heck, he will tell random people things like: “My brain just works a little different because I have autism, it’s like a superpower.” This kid gets it, he knows that autism isn’t something that needs a cure, but rater something that people need to understand so that they can know how to handle situations that pop up. My youngest daughter is only four and doesn’t fully understand yet, but we will teach her — just like we have our son — that she is amazingly and beautifully made.
Some behaviors that others see as being disobedient or unruly are just a response to an uncomfortable situation or to over-stimulation.
Imagine that you have just finished running errands after the most stressful week of your life. You are exhausted from being on the go all day and all you need is a little peace and quiet. But when you arrive home, you find a party going on that you didn’t expect or want. You are in the most uncomfortable outfit and all you want to do is put on sweatpants and relax, but now you have to entertain guests you have no desire to entertain. The lights are too bright and the music is too loud. Add to of all of this loud music which makes it hard to understand anything being said.
Your brain is trying to focus on too many things at once and you are reaching your breaking point.
As an adult, this would be frustrating, but image your body being in this situation daily. The texture of clothes needing to be a certain way to feel comfortable. Lights that are too bright being in every store. Auditory sensitivity. Being in a crowded place when you just want to be at home. These are the things my children face daily when we are out and about. Except they are expected to “behave” and exist in the way that others feel is appropriate.
There are times when we go out to eat in which it’s not uncommon to find two of my kids under the table for a period of time because they are over stimulated and need a break from the chaos. This isn’t hurting anyone and it helps them regulate, so we let them and it makes them happy. Most of the time, you will find my youngest daughter rocking; this is self-soothing and helps her regulate, so instead of staring at her, know that this movement helps her feel calm. Sometimes, the kids will get very excited and the volume of their voice gets very loud; they don’t even realize it and it’s how they show their excitement. And sometimes, when things are just too overwhelming, they may have a meltdown. When this happens, know this: a meltdown is not a child pitching a fit, but rather it is an over-stimulated child who can no longer self-soothe and needs help regulating their emotions. So no, they do not need discipline; they just need understanding and a moment. So if you are out and about and see a mom or dad with a screaming child, please remember that every child is different and has different needs. Instead of judging, show compassion and grace.
What can you do to show support for autism? Although the puzzle piece and going blue for autism has become popular from Autism Speaks, this isn’t the best way to show support. It can actually be damaging to the autism community because people with autism have a voice of their own. Instead, please wear red (the chosen color from the autism community) or wear the spectrum infinity symbol (also the chosen symbol from the autism community).
Finally, know that people with autism do not need to be fixed; they need to be understood and accepted.
