So often, both in my own life and with women I work with as a Counselor and Life Coach, one concept rings true over and over again: we often feel pulled apart, stretched, and never enough. This dynamic can be so exhausting and difficult, leaving many moms feeling overwhelmed, depleted, and guilt ridden.
When we value more than one person or commitment, we feel this constant bid for our attention. The reality is that we can value and have more than one priority, but we cannot always equally attend to all things at the same time.
One added layer for women is the judging and comparing from one woman to the next. Stay-at-home mom, part-time career mom, full-time career mom, small side hustle mom, etc. The reality is that each of these is valid, significant, and hard at times. We could all benefit from validating what we ourselves are doing as well as our fellow moms. Keep in mind that every family is different, has different needs, resources, and options for childcare. Besides what the family needs, every woman is wired differently in terms of her personality and what she needs to function best.
What you are doing matters
Some moms fully attend to working inside the home, and home is a lot! Care-taking of children is incredibly hard work. Every diaper, every meal, and every dish that needs to be washed typically falls on this person’s back. It can feel like there is no contrast between the work week and weekends as the work continues. If you are a stay-at-home mom, that’s incredible!
In terms of working outside the home, people work for so many reasons. Some moms are literally putting food on the table. There is a necessity at play in that you are providing for your child’s basic needs. This is incredible!
Some moms work for “extra” in that the needs are met, but maybe the mom working helps lead to a financial goal that the family values such as travel. Your work helps lead to these opportunities. That is incredible!
Some moms are less motivated by finances, but maybe working outside the home, even just a little bit, helps them feel like a person. Maybe this mom finds joy and meaning in her work and is able to return to her children a little more refreshed, filled up, and like she can breathe.
However, this resonates with you, I hope you hear a message that what you are doing is valuable and important. If that’s not said to you often, consider validating this for yourself. What you are doing matters, mama! And there’s no such thing as a part-time mama, so even if you are working often, you are no less a mom.
Let’s talk about GUILT for a minute. Whatever your situation, if you feel guilty, then let’s consider whether the guilt is helpful or just extra weight you are carrying around. Remember the truth that you can love your child or children with all your heart, but not be able to physically be with them every second.
Seasons and Sustainability
Two concepts can be especially helpful in considering parenting and work. Both of these are such powerful concepts that they may be worth circling back to often. You can keep reevaluating whether your current dynamic is working for you and your family.
Seasons
- What season of life are you in?
- What do your children need?
- What do you need?
- Does your current dynamic match the season you are in or are you drawn to making a change?
Sustainability
- Is your current dynamic sustainable?
- What kind of stress are you under?
- How is your functioning?
- How is your health?
- What resources do you have for support?
- Is there another way that might be more sustainable for your well-being?
