As more and more of this world becomes uncertain, we have an innate desire to keep our kids close to us. We start to second guess decisions we make for our kids, praying we make the right choice. Did we send them to the right place? Did we give them enough food? Are they wearing the right clothes for today? Will they make friends? Will they get picked on?
On and on the questions go, never seeming to end.
This new school year has marked a new era in our house with our oldest starting kindergarten and the twins in a mother’s day out program. Sending our oldest to school had me asking all the questions: What is the best for her? What is the best for us? Where will she thrive? Should we homeschool? (I don’t know how much we would get done with the twins home.) What about a co-op or private school? (There was no way we could afford that.) So our option was public school, not that it’s bad, but would it be the best for our daughter? She loves to make new friends, thrives on interaction, and loves to learn. We live down the street from an elementary school that’s fairly small, and we’ve had some interaction with the principal and know a couple of the teachers. This made us feel more comfortable about sending her to this particular school and we also liked that they offer forest kindergarten for one of the classes.
When the first day of school rolled around, we snapped our first day of school pictures and then drove to drop-off. My daughter wanted me to walk her in and once we got inside, she had the biggest smile on her face. This made my mama heart feel better. One of the teachers in the entry commented on how big her smile was. She had a spring in her step and bounced off with a teacher as she said “Bye mom.” My daughter came home excited to go back and told me about how she ate in the cafeteria. The second day, I asked if she wanted me to walk her in again; at first, she said yes, but then as we started on our way, she changed her mind and just wanted to be dropped off. She hopped out of the car and walked away like she had been there many times before. My heart panged a little as she turned away from me, but I knew she was ready and she knew she was ready.
It’s been about a month since she started school and we’ve already experienced the kindergarten fatigue, as my husband calls it. Oh boy, have we experienced it! Attitude and meltdowns about the smallest things, which I suppose will always be around in some form or fashion, so this is just preparing us for the future. We get the typical “I don’t know response…” when we ask her what she did at school, although she plays school at home, so we’ve figured out that way what she has done while at school. There have been a few things that have made me go hmm, but not anything serious. I have wished at times that we could go back to a simple note in the folder sent home instead of hoping for a text message for things to be explained. My daughter came home yesterday saying she didn’t feel well and that her teacher didn’t do much about it. I received no phone call telling me what happened that day; instead, I had to reach out and ask. We also received progress reports yesterday, but the report told me nothing about how she was tested. Was it verbal or on the computer? What questions did the test ask? What do the test results mean for my child? I’m learning to gauge where I ask questions and where I stay silent. I think my questions and hesitancy comes from the fact that I never experienced American elementary school and so I have no memories or experiences to go off of.
On the first day of school, you see social media ablaze with moms sharing how they cried because their baby is growing up so quickly. I came home crying, hoping we’ve made the right choice. Am I broken because I wasn’t sad to see her go? I don’t believe so because I think at this stage in our relationship we need a little distance from each other, but I want to be sure I’m releasing her into good hands. Sending my daughter to school doesn’t release us from doing our duty at home as parents in raising and teaching her. It also doesn’t lock us into making the same school choice for her next year.
