I feel like so many things at home and in the world have been out of control lately. For those who know me, this won’t come as a surprise, but I am a tad bit of a control freak. It is just who I am, who I always have been, and who I’ll probably be until the end.
I like knowing what to expect. Don’t we all?
If you have been following my posts since I began writing for Chattanooga Moms, you probably already know that we are a foster family, but for those who have not, let me fill you in on our journey. Shortly after moving to Chattanooga in 2021, we welcomed our first foster child into our home, a precious baby boy we were blessed to bring home from the hospital. The journey has been long, filled with ups and downs, medical scares, therapies, and some complications with the system, but we are still going strong. Then, in fall of 2022, we welcomed his baby brother into our home. We knew going in that this second experience would be similar to the first in terms of challenges, but we made it a priority to fill those boys with all the love we could give them. This journey has taught me a lot about the foster system and about myself.
Being involved with the foster care system makes me feel out of my element as there is no “controlling the situation.” There are so many working parts to foster families: the foster children, the birth parents, the DCS workers, the foster care workers, and the judicial system — it can be overwhelming to say the least. These last few months have tested my ability to control what I can and let go of what I cannot. For a person who likes to have everything in order and know what to expect, it has been a journey of growth.
Even if your situation is different from mine, you can likely relate to the feeling of things being out of our control to the point where it causes stress.
It is a sinking feeling, a feeling that you can’t let go. It affects you daily. When you wake up you think about it. Through the day you are thinking, “Well, maybe if I do this” or “If I could just control this one thing, all of the other things would fall into place.” You go to bed thinking about each thing you cannot control and wish you could change to make things better. IT IS TAXING on your mental health.
I finally had had enough. I had tried everything I could think of to control what was out of my control. My brain and emotional state were exhausted. I knew there had to be a way to let things go. But how? How does a control freak like me really let things go?
A short, honest answer: you don’t completely.
The world and your personal life are going to always have variables, like things you don’t see coming and things that no matter what you do, are going to happen. That is life. That is the part I first had to accept. I will never be able to control everything. New things are going to always pop up and set off my desire to control them even when I cannot. That is what I mean when I say you never completely let all things go. Changing life means we constantly have to let go of things we can’t control.
So now that I had made that realization, what could I do to let go of the things I couldn’t control?
Writing It Out
Something that has helped on my journey of letting go has been writing. I am a visual person. If I can see it, I can do it, so lists make me happy, and checking things off makes me even happier. Call me a Type A if you will. Writing things out so I can see what I can control versus what I need to turn over to God helps me. Crossing through things I write out that I have no control over is therapeutic for me. It is marking them off and sending them away as “done” in my mind.
Prayer And/Or Meditation
Thinking through things is hard and it makes my mind race. It makes my anxiety go through the roof. So when one of my friends suggested sitting in silence and prayer, I first shut the idea down. I could not understand how sitting in a situation where I know I am going to be constantly running through my mind every possible outcome and what I can’t control could help. Then, I buckled down in desperation and did it. I am so glad I did. Hashing it out, leaving it at Jesus’s feet, finally clearing my mind to sit in silence. It brought an overwhelming peace to me.
Therapy
As much as I love to write things out, actually opening up about what is bothering me to those I love is hard. I like everything to be perfect. I don’t want to bother those I love with my burdens. It is just who I am. I will listen all day long to others and soak in their issues, but opening up about my own difficulties has always been hard for me. I feel like most moms can relate because we are always trying to be the person everyone needs in our families, but we have to work through our own problems too to be the best versions we can be. If we constantly push our burdens, thoughts, worries to the side, they just build up. Therapy can be a safe place to help. A judgment-free zone to be open. To just talk through what is troubling you with a safe person. It is a game-changer that is now more accessible than ever with technology.
I am still working through my journey of “letting things go,” but I am hoping, in this season that is usually labeled the most stressful season of the year, that these tips help our readers finally let go of things that are out of our control. When you do let go, a full life of joy can finally begin.
I am always open to new ideas on the best way to let things go that I cannot control. If you have any tips, please share! It may just help one of our readers during a difficult season.
