The Things I Swore I’d Never Do As A Mom…And Totally Did

Before I had kids, I judged so many parents. Co-sleeping with an eight-year-old? Ridiculous. Breastfeeding a toddler? Too much. Handing a phone to a screaming kid at a restaurant? Lazy parenting. Like most kid-free people, I thought I had it all figured out. But then I became a mom — and let me tell you, I do so many things I swore I would never do!

A few things made it past the initial round (firstborn), but were later dropped when the second came. No sugar until one? Well, if I have a toddler eating a treat, you better believe the eight-month-old wants a piece. The evolution of parenting is continuous.

Here’s a list of the big things I thought would not be a part of our parenting plan but have ended up there:

Co-Sleeping Past the “Acceptable” Age

A family member once told me their kindergartner still climbed into bed with them every night. I thought it was insane. Kids should sleep in their own beds, right? Fast-forward, and my eight-year-old sneaks into our bed almost every night. And you know what? I’ve stopped fighting it. Adults don’t like sleeping alone — why do we expect kids to? I’m kind of sad for when he stops. My oldest just went to her own bed one night and never came back.

Private School

I used to think private school was an unnecessary expense, especially since I assumed anyone could just move to a decent school district. Now, my daughter’s in private school that meets needs that a public school just couldn’t. It’s not about what I thought was right before; it’s about what’s best for her now. Fortunately, we have the resources here in Chattanooga for kids like her.

Coffee

Never in a million years did I think I’d let my kids sip on a morning latte. But here I am. Both of my kids have ADHD, and while it’s not an officially approved treatment, I swear a little caffeine helps them focus. It might not be for everyone, but it works for us.

Rethinking Discipline

I grew up hearing that misbehaving kids just “weren’t spanked enough.” It seemed like the easiest way to correct behavior, right? But now that I’m a parent, I don’t spank our kids. Sure, it might be easier in the moment, but I’ve found that teaching and modeling the right behavior works better for our family. 

Medications

This is a big one! Somehow, I just KNEW ADHD wasn’t as serious a problem as people made it out to be, and these kids just needed more playtime. While I still believe all kids need more playtime, and ADHD kids may need even more, I now fully see the difference medication can make. As a family with both AuDHD and ADHD, medication has significantly improved their quality of life and their ability to meet expectations at school.

Pageants

I was so anti-pageant all the way up to 2024 when my husband suggested we let our daughter compete in one. I voiced concerns and then let him take the reigns as I wanted no part of parading our daughter around on stage. And I will tell you, going through it complete changed my perspective. I watched my daughter meet other girls like herself, pick up more public speaking and interview skills than an adult, and ultimately take 4th place in state! I judged this one hard, and it ended up being one of the best things she could have done. 

Realizing You ARE That Parent

One day, it just hits you. A flashback, a realization — call it whatever you want. But for me, it’s always a heavy hit. Sometimes, it’s healing, like resolving disobedient behavior without corporal punishment. As someone whose childhood punishments often met the legal definition of abuse, it is very freeing to give my kids a different experience, especially experiences that include vanilla lattes.

As my kids have grown, I’ve also seen how different parenting choices shape relationships in the family. We are a very tight-knit household and I believe that comes down to how we handle things like discipline, emotions, and daily conflict.

Stop Judging

The universe has a way of humbling us all. The moment you say, “That would never be me,” life makes sure it does. From minor embarrassments to full-on parenting fails, we’ve all been there. So, never say never. If you don’t have kids yet, keep an open mind. Find parents you admire, not just for their parenting choices but for the relationship they have with their kids. Look at how they instill values and morals. But, if you watch anyone long enough, you’ll see them fold on a parenting rule they’ve set for themselves.

Because in the end, we’re all just doing our best — one latte-sipping, co-sleeping, phone-giving decision at a time.