There are so many times as a mom and person that I hit a wall of…I can’t do this anymore. How am I going to take that next step? I’m so tired. I’m so busy. I’m so bad at all of this…
I’ve sat here at this same desk so many times, trying to think of things to write that fit the current moment I’m in. I’m nothing if not open with my emotions in these posts, usually. And right now, again, for no reason other than perhaps my broken brain…things are just hard. I’ve got 10,006 things to do, and though I’m very blessed in that I have more time than most to do them, I still feel overwhelmed and on the verge of a shutdown.
Why? I ask myself as I look at other moms. Why can’t I be like that?
There goes a child who is neatly dressed, with perfect hair, happy, and contentedly skipping up the steps to school. Whereas this morning, we rushed through our routine yet again — brushing teeth and hair, shoveling breakfast, pulling on mismatched socks, and, thankfully, matching shoes — before making a frantic dash to the school door to beat the tardy bell.
In the scheme of things, my children know they are loved. They know that I will do anything in my power to help them grow up healthy and happy. But what happens when the power I have ends? When I’m at the edge of my abilities, and there is still so much left to do?
*Here is where I try to turn to my religion to bolster myself, and that is certainly where any and all of the strength I currently possess comes from.*
However, what else can I do to keep myself from mentally self-flagellating when I can’t keep up in the same way that other moms do?
First, I try and take a breather. I’ll find a spider-free spot under a tree or sit inside next to my puzzle and try to do some literal breathing whilst letting my brain float free for a bit.
Secondly, I feed my tummy with something nutritious and delicious before feeding my soul with something comforting: music, my church’s podcast, a funny book, or whatever else is needed at that moment.
Thirdly, I try to reconnect to my children, letting myself really FEEL that despite my special brand of frazzled, they are clean, well-fed, educated in heart and mind, and generally pretty wonderful little humans.
Fourth, I take a moment to check in with the husband as stress spreads like ivy throughout a household, choking whomever it can. Husbands, at least mine, tend to not share their worries as readily, so giving them space to talk and share is also helpful for a stress-free family dynamic.
Finally, I am still working on letting it go. Just not comparing myself to others. If I can provide fertile ground for my little saplings to thrive in, then I’ll be content. I just need to let the rest float away in the wind.
