For months leading up to giving birth to my first baby, I heard everyone tell me how they couldn’t wait to leave the hospital after having their baby. The minimum two-day stay for new moms was going to be two days too long, and I’d be ready to get back to my own bed, my own shower, and my privacy. Makes a lot of sense; the hospital isn’t the Ritz Carlton and you don’t usually check-in for a relaxing weekend away from home. However, when Baby M made his big arrival (two weeks early), we found ourselves terrified and quite reluctant to leave!
There, I said it; we didn’t want to leave the hospital with our baby because we were terrified.
Yes, terrified of this little tiny person whom we had anxiously and excitedly waited and waited to meet. All we could talk about during the time I was pregnant and while we were planning a baby, was life with Baby M and what he would be like…and then we found ourselves scared of what would happen when we really did take him home! Sounds crazy, right?
But those feelings were quite real and very overwhelming. We didn’t expect to feel like that, even as first time parents, and it was startling.
Labor and delivery the hard part? The hard part came post-partum, when it was time to start caring for our brand new baby…we were clueless.
My anxiety with giving birth quickly paled in comparison to the reality of becoming a new mom and what that meant. The hormones and emotions were already a rollercoaster, and I just felt so overwhelmed by everything. Swaddling seemed like a mysterious art form that could only be done by the nurses, no matter how many times they showed me. Breastfeeding and getting baby to latch wasn’t as special and natural as I assumed or hoped it to be. It was far from the beautiful moment that I pictured myself having with my baby and we struggled to make it work. Mr. M and I were at a loss with soothing him. Shouldn’t I, as his mother, be able to care for, nourish, and soothe him?
And the recovery. I was already exhausted and those hormones I mentioned, they can do a number on you. The amount of fluids leaking out of me was shocking. My body was so sore and so tired from delivery, I could barely lift myself up and getting up and going to the bathroom made me cry. I wanted to sleep for days but I didn’t sleep much at all after giving birth. And just when I would get comfortable, a nurse would come in to do his/her rounds or someone would come in with paperwork for us to fill out.
On the flip side of having nurses come all the time, it was comforting and soothing to have someone take care of me and my post-partum body and basically guide me with what I should be doing for Baby M. They created this safe place that I couldn’t imagine leaving for fear of failing and falling apart. They gave me training wheels for two days.
But then that’s it, they’re just going to give us the baby and send us home? How could I possibly go home and do this without help from the nurses?
Well, we finally did leave the hospital and yes, we were scared. I was definitely ready to be home, but it was intimidating taking our son home with us. We had already decided to take a week by ourselves (before my mom came to spend a few weeks with us to help) to have our time alone as this new family, and I’m glad we did.
Survival, coupled with maternal and paternal instincts, kicked in, and somehow, we made it. We learned to depend on each other and fill in the gaps by taking care of our son as a team. I was recovering still, so my husband stepped up and changed a lot of diapers and helped take care of the house and cooking. We took turns holding and soothing our baby when he was crying. We took shifts during the day so one of us could rest or sleep.
The best part was snuggling with Baby M because we were so in love with our little man and both just wanted to hold him and stare at him. The joy of being a new parent slowly outshone the fear and we adapted. Together.
You just have to jump in and do it, and I promise, you can do it!
The fears and shortcomings that you may feel in the hospital when your baby is born are not wrong and have nothing to do with the kind of parent you will be. The same way in which your body provided for your baby while he or she was safely tucked away in your womb, without having to be told what to do, represents how YOU will be as a parent. Babies don’t come with a manual, but your instincts will kick in and you’ll find yourself getting into a rhythm that you don’t even have to really think about.
Will you know how to do everything or know all the ins and outs of raising a child? No, but you’ll figure it out. Will it be easy? No way! Worth it? Oh, yes!
Patience and kindness at the hospital made a world of difference with our initiation into parenthood and gave us the confidence we needed to leave our parenthood training wheels behind when we left and become a family of three on our own.
Take advantage of all of the people ready to help and assist you in the hospital. That’s what they’re there for and they have resources for you to tap into. Have the Lactation Consultant come help you if you want to breastfeed. If you need a break, don’t be afraid to ask the nurse to take the baby to the nursery for a little while. Have your husband, family member, or a friend assist you in whatever you need at the time. Don’t feel pressured to have visitors. Get the nurse to show you over and over how to swaddle and change a diaper and dress your baby. Ask questions. Tell someone who comes with paperwork to come back later. Oh, and take home all of the freebies!
Sarah, what an informative, insightful, and well written blog entry. It is great that you can share, with other moms, about your experience. I think insurance companies due our young mothers and their babies a disservice. It is not wise to make mothers get up and get out! Leaving so soon is placing new parents into a place of unknown, too soon, and make them have more questions that a few more days in the hospital would have answered. I believe it is all because of MONEY!! My children are 29, 30, and 32. I was in the hospital for 5, 7, and 9 days respectfully. As you can tell, each child got easier and easier and I was released sooner. First child was 10 pounds and 7.5 ounces and it was not a C section! So, I spent over a week just to heal. The other two were full term and 8 pounds but, also took a toll on my body. I enjoyed the quiet time to recover for the first week with my new baby. I needed those 3 healthy balanced meals for the first week, as my body tired to heal, the damage done to it. I needed medical care that went past nursing lessons. I needed time to ease into the pain while caring for a newborn. Also, the last baby was able to get light treatment for high numbers. I think it is horrible to make a new mother load everything and everybody and head back up, to the hospital, the very next day and take the baby back to a building full of sick people to get their blood drawn, which I had to do with the last two! I had no problem being a mother, as you say, it came naturally! However, I was NOT prepared for the 56 stitches or the need for blood transfusions. I loved those quiet times when it was just me and the baby in the early morning hours. I think insurance has a lot to do with how women now say, I WANT TO GET HOME! Not having insurance or having insurance that will only pay for 24 hours after birth, I think is the reason so many are pushed out, so soon. Loving that that little man of your has such a smart and sweet mother.
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