Picture it: 1995, Wednesday evenings, 5:45pm.
I dreaded all the above as I knew they meant one thing: piano lessons. You see, my mom grew up spending many a day at piano practice perfecting her craft, the one she loved so much. Piano, clarinet, band, and all things music are some of her fondest memories from childhood, so naturally she longed for her children to follow in those footsteps. However, I would’ve honestly rather watch paint dry than learn musical scales or the difference between a treble and bass clef. Though it was my dear mother’s passion for me to love music as much as she did, it just wasn’t my jam. Thankfully, I had a mom who, though crushed, respected my wishes and all was well.
However, as we know, this isn’t always the case.
From the moment we saw a plus sign on the pregnancy test, our minds began to drift to a faraway place wondering who and what the little person growing inside of our bellies would be. Physically speaking, who would they look like? Whose eyes would they have? Would they take after mom’s side of the family or dad’s? These are valid thoughts and questions, but the anticipation of a baby goes much deeper than physicality. Personality plays a major role as well. Would your child’s personality reflect your outgoing nature? Would they grow into bold and fearless people or would their natural disposition be shier and more timid?
As the saying so clearly explains, life really is like a box of chocolates. You seriously never know what you’re going to get.
As I sit and reflect on my own personal experience in the sisterhood of motherhood, this most certainly reigns true. Around this very time — two short years ago — I can remember so vividly the anticipation I had awaiting the upcoming birth of my first child. My husband and I decided to be #teamgreen, which meant we opted to wait until our little one’s birth date to discover their gender. This left the gate wide open for my mind to run, no, sprint, as wild as it possibly could. Since I’m what you call a girly girl, when I’d let my thoughts wander, I’d see an adorable little girl who would literally be a mini-me. I envisioned us painting fingernails, playing with each other’s hair, having fun in makeup, and basically her being my shadow, mimicking my every move. Then, on the other hand, I could clearly see a handsome little mama’s boy who would be my husband’s split image in looks and personality. My husband is a pretty chilled and laid back guy, who is rather soft spoken and has a lax demeanor. I just knew if we had a little boy he’d be just like his daddy in every sense of the word.
Then, on one glorious and chilly November day, the best day of our lives was officially established as the mystery was finally solved when we met our perfectly adorable baby boy. Life has literally never been the same. Our sweet, precocious baby quickly transformed into a curious, rambunctious, strong willed toddler. If you ever meet him, you’ll quickly learn that his small stature can hardly contain his larger than life personality. He is a ball of energy, always on the go, and he’s “all boy” in every sense of the sentiment. Sometimes, even now, I am still amazed that this beautiful little boy belongs to me. Still amazed he is nothing, whatsoever, like I envisioned. And still amazed at what he teaches me.
My little man’s stubborn nature has tested me in ways I never imagined, thus teaching me patience. His rambunctious nature has taught me and my type A personality to not take life so seriously. Everything doesn’t need perfect structure and life is more fun when you can be a bit carefree. His strong will — and my goodness how incredibly STRONG it is — has reminded me that I can set my mind to anything, forge ahead, and get it done. And his boyish ways remind me that some of the best memories involve sweat, bugs, grass stains, and dirt.
This little boy is nothing like the child I envisioned and I am so very thankful because my wildest imagination couldn’t have done him justice. He is by far one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received and I embrace that. In addition to him showing me unconditional love, he has also revealed something profound to me: we are not simply given the child(ren) we want; we are gifted the ones we need and the lessons they teach us are truly invaluable.
To the exhausted introverted mama whose little one is as extroverted as can be…the frustrated brainiac mother whose child is struggling academically…the perfectly chiseled mom who’s confused by her kid battling weight issues…the overwhelmed, primed and proper lady who mothers a wild child…the super athletic and defeated mama whose kid doesn’t have an athletic bone in their body…and every other kind of mom in between, what lessons are your children teaching you? For my mom and the piano lessons, all those years ago, I’d like to think I taught her to speak up in circumstances that don’t fit you and to not just go with the flow solely because something is expected of you.
I challenge you, mamas, to not let the idea of the type of kid(s) you wanted blind you to the amazing kid(s) you received. Let’s get rid of any preconceived notions we had of who our children would be and embrace who they are: little humans who have stretched our hearts, filling them with a love we couldn’t comprehend until we met them, even if they are nothing like we imagined.
May we always be reminded to appreciate whatever child we get because they are indeed our most perfect fit.
Great and insightful article.
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