To the Kindergarten Mama

Hey there, Mama! I bet you’re excited. Maybe a little nervous, too, if you’re being honest. That’s okay. Your little one is about to start Kindergarten in a few weeks and be at school all day. Even if he or she has been in preschool, the leap to full-day Kindergarten is a big one and if you’ve never had a child in elementary school before it can feel overwhelming. There’s a lot to learn about your specific school, its culture, academic expectations, rules, social structure and hierarchy.

Unfortunately, I can’t help much with that and I hope you have friends or neighbors who already have kids at your child’s school who can help you navigate all that. If you don’t, don’t be afraid to ask your child’s new teacher or find the principal or PTA president. Most people are nice and always want to help parents new to their school. What I can share are some basic bits of advice that apply to everyone, everywhere.

Hopefully these tips will help you feel more at ease:

1. Feel what you feel, but do it outside

   Some parents are really excited and don’t shed a tear when they walk out the door. Other moms may weep a little…or a lot. But you don’t want to cry in front of your kiddo and make their stay at school any more traumatic that it may already be. Hold the tears in and send them into class with a smile and a bright “Have a great day!”

   Many school PTAs will host “Coffee & Kleenex” or a “Boo-hoo Breakfast” for new parents on the first day of school, offering a bite to eat, some coffee to steady yourself, and lots of hugs and tissues. This is your chance to let your emotions fly! If your school hosts an event like this, go to it, even if you’re gleeful with the joy of freedom, but especially if you need a hug and some understanding from someone who has been in your shoes. You don’t have to feel some kind of way to engage in these sweet send-offs for mom and dad, but they provide a great opportunity to meet some of your school’s volunteer leaders.

2. Be nice…to everyone, but especially teachers

   A good rule for life in general is to always assume good intentions. In general, everyone is just out here trying their best. Assume that about your child’s teacher. Also, understand how hard teachers work and the incredible amount of pressure they are under from administrators and their governing bodies to meet arbitrary test scores. With a few very rare exceptions, your child’s teacher teaches because he or she loves helping kids recognize and achieve their own potential. Sometimes, that’s hard for kids, parents, and their teachers. Sometimes, it turns out, a teacher’s style or a particular school or its curriculum aren’t a good fit for a specific child and the ways they learn. That’s okay. You can work with the teacher and principal to find solutions to help your kiddo if needed. Just don’t fall into the trap of assuming a teacher doesn’t want to or isn’t trying their best to help your child. 

   Other ways to be nice to your child’s teacher include making sure your child knows to show respect by doing his or her best to listen and follow directions and using basic manners like saying “please” and “thank you.” Also, model respect by not saying unkind things about your child’s teacher, principal, or school in front of her. Return permission slips, fees, and other paperwork as quickly as you can. Trust the process as much as possible. Communicate by asking questions if you’re uncertain about an assignment or request, but do so with the understanding that you might be one of 20 parents with the same question awaiting an answer. In other words, be patient. Be kind. As the saying goes, you can always be kind.

3. Show the room parent some love

   Room parents, be they moms or dads, deserve all the love. If you choose to volunteer for this role, be prepared to feel unappreciated by your fellow parents, but loved and needed by your child’s teacher. From planning the class party to being in charge of helping schedule guest readers, stuff couriers, purchase class gifts for teachers (totally the way to go with teacher gifts instead of individual gifts, by the way), answer a zillion questions and field complaints from other parents who would have done things differently, room parents really do it all.  So, if you’re not willing or able to step into that role, please be extra nice to the parent who takes it on. If you can afford to, contribute to the class gift or party fund. And if you can’t, that’s okay. Just communicate that to your room parent. Most people are kind and will understand. And there are lots of other ways you can contribute, from taking 10 minutes in the morning or afternoon to run some copies or stuff couriers; sending in paper plates or napkins for a party or snack time; helping send e-mails or make phone calls in the evenings; preparing food for a class party; or even being present at a class event to help chaperone, run a game, and just take the weight off the room parent for a minute.

   Far too often, parents think “someone else will do it,” and don’t bother to help. The thing is, when you think like that, someone else usually does do it: the room parent and the one or two other parents who feel guilted into it because no one else steps up. And I guarantee you that although the room parent may smile and never reveal it outwardly, they have a mental list of everyone who never volunteered to help. One more pro tip that will serve you well throughout your child’s school career: If you don’t volunteer, don’t complain that something wasn’t done to your liking.

4.  Know where to invest your school supply dollars

   School supply lists are long. Some teachers will request specific brands and generally they have a good reason. Unless your teacher is brand new, he or she has been in the classroom long enough to know which items stand up and perform best in little hands. In my 11 years of experience having a child in school, the only two items I go for name brand on now are Ticonderoga pencils, which most teachers will tell you are the very best; and Crayola crayons which are never waxy and always provide great coverage. Ticonderoga pencils have a sturdier lead that doesn’t break easily when little hands apply firm pressure as they often do, meaning less frustration and wasted time. Crayolas usually go on sale for 25 cents per box of 24 in most back-to-school sales. As for the rest of it, no brand seems superior to any other. The only other item that you might want to “invest” in is a backpack, but honestly, when they’re little you know you’re going to replace it by third grade anyway when they start bringing home text books and need a bigger pack. So, you might as well let them have the cheap Thomas the Tank Engine or My Little Pony pack and have some fun with it rather than spending a small fortune on something more durable now. 

5. Chill out

   Seriously. Of all the advice I could give you, this is the most important bit. This is just Kindergarten and you have 12 more years of school ahead of you. Don’t burn yourself or your child out now. Your child may be reading before starting school or maybe he isn’t. She may be able to count to 5,000 or she may think H is a number. IT DOES NOT MATTER NOW. By third grade, most kids level out. The ones who seemed like superstars in Kindergarten mostly become average students and the ones who struggle with reading catch up. You can worry yourself and your child sick by putting pressure on them to do better or be better. Don’t do it. Just stop. Let them enjoy being kids. Yes, there’s ridiculous pressure on teachers and schools to achieve high test scores. Even in Kindergarten. And there will probably be homework. Let your kid do his or her best, but don’t stress over it. And don’t stress them out. Honestly, the expectations for Kindergarteners in most school systems are developmentally inappropriate. Help your child do his or her best, but don’t turn school into any more drudgery than it already may be. Pushing your child too hard can be a sure fire way to make them hate school. So, don’t buy into that. Just relax and have fun with it and let your child have fun with it. If you get anxious and worked up over the fact that a five-year old isn’t reading chapter books yet, guess what? Your child will take on that anxiety. The best things you can do is be chill, keep learning, and make school work fun. That sweet child of yours who lands in the lowest reading group in Kindergarten can end up taking AP English and always have a book in his hand by high school. So, just be chill and if your child does need interventions in one area or another, remember they are there to get your child where he or she needs to be and it’s a good thing. Just try to relax and take it all in stride. And remember, it’s just Kindergarten! 

So, Mama, that’s all I have. I hope something here helps you as you and your little one start this adventure! I wish you all the best for this exciting school year! Did I leave out something that’s worrying you about starting school? What’s on your mind? Share in the comments and I’ll try to help.