How are you hanging in there, Mama? This is an unprecedented time in our country and there was certainly no chapter in the parenting books on how to handle a pandemic with kids. Someone should probably get on that. Honestly, how are you even taking the time to read this? You probably only have three minutes before someone will be yelling that they need their butt wiped or someone is fatally wounded by a paper cut. I’ll try to keep this short and sweet.
Here is a list of all the things I am never doing again when this lockdown is over and life goes back to normal. These will be in no particular order except for numbers one and two because they are issues I have grown to feel exceptionally passionate about.
1. I am never going to wear a bra again. This is me now. Swing low, sweet chariot. Avert your eyes lest they be poked out when the wind blows.
2. I am never again shoving this soft, squishy mom bod into a pair of harsh, suffocating pants that button. I don’t need that negativity in my life. I also don’t want to be reminded of the damage done by all those quarantine snacks-snacks.
3. I will never go grocery shopping with children again. Well, at least when it is at all a possibility to go alone. The “One cart, one person” rule is now in effect in my home. I just put in my ear buds and scoot my buggy past all the People of Walmart and treat myself to an hour of luxurious solo shopping time.
4. I’m never going to pass up an opportunity to hug my people and it just might get a little weird. I never knew I needed to be hugged so much until it wasn’t an option anymore. Prepare yourself for awkwardly long embraces and excessive affection from all of us isolated extroverts.
5. I’m never going to blame my inconsistent exercise regimen on lack of time. I’ve had nothing but time for the past five weeks and do you know how much intentional exercise I’ve done? From now on I am going to have to face the music; I just don’t want to do it enough. Hopefully one day that will change, but this is my moment of truth.
6. I’m never going to fill my schedule to max capacity again. Spending this extra time at home with my family has made me realize that we all need a little time in our schedules to do nothing or unstructured time to do whatever we feel like doing. We are a very busy family and we like it that way, but when we emerge from this time of isolation, I am going to only add back the activities and obligations that mean the most to us.
7. I’m never going to cook again. This is a lie, but I just need to complain about this to people who will understand the struggle. Have y’all been reassigned to the position of personal chef also? I am a decent cook and I love to make a home-cooked meal for my family from time to time. Notice I said time to time, not three meals a day! Add in the sixty snacks a day and I feel like I’ve lived in the kitchen. I would have not survived in the olden days. As soon as it is safe again, I am going to eat at restaurants every day until we are out of money. Unfortunately since there are six of us that shouldn’t take too long.
8. I’ll never be able to look at some people the same as before. With social media as the only connection to the outside world, some of y’all are really showing your true colors. The sweetest, most generous people have been on display and unfortunately so have the selfish, hateful people. Remember before you post that screenshots exist, so you can delete things you said online, but they never truly disappear, so you should probably take a couple of deep breaths before you post that rage-fueled status. Just a little tidbit of advice.
9. I’ll never again feel guilty about my children’s screen time consumption. I don’t know if you’re a super mom, but I am not and despite my best intentions, my children have been co-parented by YouTube and Nintendo lately. Statistically, their screen time will drastically decrease after lockdown is lifted and so we can all feel good about that.
10. Never will I ever forget this scary, sacred pause. This time has changed us all on different levels for better or worse. Now that we are supposedly on the downhill side of the infamous curve, I hope you will really consider all the lessons and positive things you can take away from this weird experience and use them to make your future something you’re proud of. That’s my goal.
Stay well and stay sane. We’re all in this together.