Change is Hard

With the new year comes the phrase we hear and say way too often, “New year, new me.” I am usually “one of those” who say the phrase. Most of the time, my new year’s resolution is to eat better and exercise more in hopes of getting my pre-pregnancy body back. But really, I tell myself every day of the week, “Tomorrow I will do better. I will eat healthier and workout more.” Then, I eat five brownies, a pint of ice cream, and 10 cookies for breakfast.

After having two babies and one on the way, I am constantly looking at pictures of myself pre-baby. These pictures show an in-shape girl who could run 10 miles, bench her body weight and look so good compared to my post baby body, a body that has rolls in places I didn’t know could roll, stretchmarks from head to toe, and let’s not even get into the change that occurred to my lady parts or my new saggy boobs courtesy of breast feeding. It’s hard not to wish to look like that again. I am horrible at making changes and sticking to them. Whether it’s changing my eating habits, exercising, less screen time, less yelling, more cleaning — anything really.

Change is hard and my energy to make the change just isn’t there at the moment.

As much as I would like to look like I did before, I know that I wasn’t any happier with my body or myself then. I have always wanted to be skinnier, stronger, fitter, smarter — just better than I was at any point in my life. That is why this new year I decided it’s not going to be “new year, new me,” but rather “new year, better me.” This year I am focusing on small, mostly mental, changes that I believe will be easier for me to accomplish.

There are so many things I want to start doing differently, but change takes time and doesn’t always stick. That is why I decided to start simple. On average it takes just over two months before a behavior becomes automatic. So, for my “new year, better me” resolution I plan to start out with simple changes. I wanted simple because, well, for starters I’m a mom. I have two, almost three kids, a husband, and a social life; I needed to make sure I had the time to make these changes.

I want to stop being negative about my body. I have become much more aware of how negative I have become about it since having kids, especially when the toddlers start repeating everything I say. I want them to grow up loving themselves as much as they can in today’s media-run society. I want to focus more time on making memories with my babies. I often find myself staring at my phone when I really should be joining my kids on an imaginary spaceship. And my last one is to love myself more. I might have stretchmarks and extra fat, but my body has created two (and in the process of another) beautiful babies. It has endured sports, surgeries, many long runs, military training, two labor and deliveries to bring my babies into this world, and much, much more. And although I would love to have my abs back, I wouldn’t trade this life, or the body that created my babies’ lives, for anything.

Did you make a new year’s resolution? Are there things you’ve decided you want to change in your life?