From Experience

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From Experience

I read a spectacular article about surrounding yourself with people who build you up. Friends who love you, pour into you and root for your success. I am thankful that today I have a wonderful tribe of Godly, empowering women who, in all stages, support and love me even when I feel unlovable. Today I have that, but I haven’t always. My next statement will be unpopular, but it’s honest:

At one point, not only was I sitting at the mean girl table, but I was the mean girl.

I was often sitting at the head of that toxic table, kicked back, feet thrown up with my mean queen crown cocked sideways, smoking a cigarette. And boy did I feel powerful and in control.

I wasn’t.

I thought this was how girls acted. This is how I felt I had to behave in order to get ahead, in order to have friends, to be included and feel good about myself. I needed others to be below me in order to feel like I belonged. Typing that hurts. I deleted it three times, but I decided to leave it because it is true and it’s a part of my story. An ugly part, but a part nonetheless.

This tactic didn’t work. 

Looking back, it doesn’t matter how judgmental I was (very), how often I excluded people (too often) or how inferior I wanted people to feel (sadly, very). At the end of the day, I was always the one who felt inadequate, thus starting the vicious circle all over again.

Thankfully, I have grown and made some amends for the hateful pattern I helped set in my life and other people’s lives. I now know it was something I needed to go through in order to grow as a Christian, a woman, a friend and a mom.

My daughter is entering into the friendship development stage. While I hope I have a few years before this pattern rears its ugly head, I feel prepared (maybe…cringe). By owning my imperfect choices, I am able to use those experiences to grow in my faith while showing my daughter the brighter path with better outcomes.

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This current group of amazing, uplifting women surrounding us is setting a mighty fine example of what friendships should look like. My tribe is fabulous! #shoutout However, on the not so great side of my story, I can show her what friendships shouldn’t look like, both as the victim and as the perpetrator. 

We all make choices we wish we could change, but I feel that what we do with the results of our choices matters the most. I can be truthful with her and show her my story so that she can continue to write hers.

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Erin Martin
Hello! Erin here! I was born and practically raised in Chattanooga, minus a few years as an Army brat. I graduated from Bryan College with a degree in Accounting/Business and currently work as corporate accountant. My husband, Michael and I live in Ooltewah and have been married 8 years. During this time, we have had some serious fun, hard discussions and added two pretty spectacular kids to the mix, Charlotte (5) and Jack (3). I love Jesus, books (so.many.books), coffee, coffee (not a duplicate) and TN Vols football! As a family, we love animals; farms, fishing, aquariums, zoos. If it’s got animals, we are there! Charlotte and I are travelers, but we are slowly getting the boys on board. We camp with friends and family (full disclosure: in a camper!), and I have been known to encourage dancing in the rain and splashing in mud. It’s good for the soul! Happy reading, friends!