“The essentials of happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” – Joseph Addison
I saw these words inscribed on a mural on the gymnasium wall at the Orange Grove Center. We’ve spent a lot of time there lately cheering on my son’s basketball team. The Orange Grove Center has been providing educational and vocational training to developmentally disabled people for decades. Now, it’s also providing a place for my son and so many others to do what they love: play basketball.
Watching my son and his teammates on the court each Saturday morning is a privilege, and I’m convinced that being a part of this team is one of his greatest joys. Isn’t this what we all want? To feel included and connected to others? Being involved in extracurricular activities is a big deal to kids. Whether it’s a sports team, a club, or simply being invited to a birthday party–being included is key.
My kids have birthdays in the months of March, April, and June. I’m a perpetual planner and list maker, so I’m already thinking about party locations, themes, and yes, guest lists. Something that I want my family to be more mindful of this year is inviting children with special needs to my “typically developing” kids’ birthday parties.
What does inclusion look like?
As I was doing research for this blog, I came across a wonderful article by Sharon Randall, in which she highlights the importance of inviting children with special needs to events like birthday parties. She believes that one of the best birthday gifts a “typically developing” child can receive is to know what inclusion looks like.
She’s right. Including children with special needs shouldn’t be seen as a sacrifice or a favor. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.
My kids get to see what it means to be inclusive, and the child with special needs experiences companionship and celebrating a fun occasion with peers. Even better than all of this, inclusion models God’s word. 1 John 18 says, “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” Knowing how important it is for kids to feel accepted, I can’t think of a better way to show love.
Love in Action
Below are a few pointers I’ve gathered from various websites on how to include a child with special needs. Also included is some wisdom from dear friends and family members who’ve taken the time to give their insight and help me understand this issue.
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The RSVP
Ask the parent if there’s anything you should know about the child. Are there any dietary restrictions or other special accommodations you should follow?
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Involve Parents
Let the child’s parents know they are welcome to attend the party as well. This may be the first time their child has been invited to a friend’s birthday party, so they could be feeling a little anxious. Plus, having some extra hands may lighten the load for you.
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Arrival Time
Allow the child to arrive 30 minutes early to adjust to the environment before other kids arrive. This alone may make a big difference in the child’s comfort level.
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Be flexible
A child with autism or a sensory processing disorder could be overwhelmed by the party activities. Allow him/her the freedom to opt out of activities if needed. Prepare a space ahead of time for individual or quiet play in a low stimulation environment.
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Physical Access
If a child is physically disabled, or even if there’s a child who’s temporarily on crutches, make sure you choose a spacious location that will allow for ease of movement.
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Talk to Your Child
A small conversation with your child about his/her friend with special needs can help set the tone and pave the way for a successful party.
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Declined Invitation
Don’t take it personally if the family declines the invitation or if the child leaves early. Like everyone else, children with disabilities have good days and bad days. Ultimately, the parents will do what’s best for their child.
I’m raising my children to be respectful people who value everyone, regardless of appearance or ability. I want them to postpone their own wants to help meet the needs of someone else. I want them to reach out to the disabled neighbor who may need help raking his leaves. I want them to drive someone to the store who can’t drive. If this is who I want them to become, I know that the preparation for this has to begin now.
For more on this topic, please visit these websites:
