Sometimes everything sucks. I know that is not putting it in the most eloquent of ways, but it’s true. Right now, I am in a valley and it really sucks. I have so much to be thankful for and I am, but sometimes, you just need to exist in the valley for a moment.So that’s what I am doing: existing.
Life can be so overwhelming at times — as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, and human. We get so consumed by our busy schedules and stack our days so full that it’s hard to come up for air, let alone enjoy the little things. What’s worse is when your days are packed so full, not by choice, but due to a large family and the many overlapping appointments.
The last few months have been difficult.
Having children with special needs can feel lonely sometimes and the last few months have been one of those times. I feel like I can’t be enough. What even is “enough”? I feel like I fail all the way around some days. Not good enough, not strong enough, or smart enough, not “there” enough, present enough, capable enough. It’s all lies, but we have all listened to lies before and suddenly we aren’t enough. In reality, there isn’t some magical “enough” that you can achieve. You are a magically and wonderfully made individual with your own strengths and yes, weaknesses as well. You are perfectly enough; you just have to realize it.
Our schedule has been so cram packed that I am constantly feeling like my head is spinning with tasks to complete and appointments to attend. It’s like a game of catch-up that is impossible to win. I am constantly in a state of being behind whether it’s laundry, meal planning, cleaning, grocery shopping, or any one of the mundane daily tasks that seem to fall to the wayside during a hectic week. I seem to always be behind in something. Yet, I continue to make more plans; we want a veggie garden for next year, I want chickens (although my husband isn’t sold on the idea), and I want to paint the front door (and the deck). My brain is constantly cranking out lists. I think it’s how I cope, but sometimes, these lists make me more anxious because what’s a list without marking off the things completed? The only problem is that this list grows faster than I can mark things off, so it’s a never-ending cycle.
So, I’m in a valley.
Everything is so overwhelming and I just want to be able to see a path out, but I seem to be stuck. This too shall pass, I know this much is true, but it doesn’t make it any easier while in the valley. I know my prayers are heard, so I’ll just wait in the valley until a path clears. If you know someone in their own valley right now, don’t be afraid to reach out, check in on them, lend a listening ear, or just let them know you are there.
