We like to talk about the happy side of parenting — the fun times — but sometimes parenting is hard. I cried today. Not the overjoyed seeing my child do something sweet kind of cry, but the this is so hard kind of cry. Looking at people’s social media, you would think parenting is full of only the good/funny side of life. I guess we are good at highlighting those aspects of life. In a way, I understand it. We like to view the positives of every situation and that’s what we try to focus on. In reality, parenting has ups and downs and sometimes it’s a roller coaster spinning you upside down and making you want to throw up.
Like I said, I cried today. My heart broke today.
We advocate for our kids and when one’s child is on the spectrum, that can be especially challenging. With multiple doctors, all with different opinions, it can become complicated quickly and researching medicine, side effects, and deciding what to do becomes a puzzle you are trying to solve.
For my son, we have been dealing with a recurrent cough. He has been on nasal sprays, sinus medicines, asthma medicines — you name it, we have probably tried it. Then last month, we were prescribed a new medicine to try. It actually helped and we saw a difference within days of starting it. The thing is, my son has adverse reactions to many medications. Benadryl for instance makes him hyper and ill instead of drowsy. I didn’t remember until last night that there was a reason I had been hesitant about trying this new medicine. It has been shown to have behavioral reactions in some children and apparently my youngest is one of those children.
I strive to be perfect and I fall short everyday.
I feel like I am being pulled in fifty different directions, probably because in some ways I am. I have four kids all with different needs, wants and desires. Two are on the autism spectrum, so making sure each one is getting the homeschool curriculum they need, extra support they need, extracurriculars they need, therapies they need, attention they need, and quality time they need is a lot to take into consideration; then, you have the appointments and likes/dislikes that overlap for all the kids and you are left with a mama that feels the weight of the world on her shoulders.
I struggle daily feeling as though I am not enough.
I do the absolute best I can but I am human. Some days, I feel like we have this little thing called life all figured out; other days, I feel like I am stuck in quicksand and I have no way out. As parents, we have to accept that not every day will be rainbows and butterflies. Remember, just because you see the highlights on someone’s social media (making their life seem picturesque), it doesn’t mean that they don’t have days just as rough as you do.
As a society we are pretty good at showing the good sides of our life and hiding the not so amazing. Not everything is as it seems; maybe we should learn to be okay with showing a more authentic life instead of the life we think others want to see.