If you’re anything like me, it’s not uncommon to see on Facebook a scary story about a local mom warning others about a creepy encounter she’s had. Usually, it has to do with a suspicious person following her around a store while she’s out and about with her children alone. I usually read these stories and think to myself: Yikes, that’s scary…but it doesn’t happen around here!
As much as I’d love to continue living in my innocent fairytale world, that isn’t the world we’re raising our children in…unfortunately, I had to learn that firsthand.
At the beginning of summer, my family went camping with family friends. The campground had a “beach” where kids and adults could swim in a roped off shallow area of the lake. As our littles were splashing about, my friend and I sat nearby talking and watching. We noted how pleased we were that our kiddos had made friends with some other children. Particularly, our youngest boys had begun playing with another group of younger boys and their dad. After a few minutes, the man approached us asking if the boys were ours. We said yes and told him if they were bothering him, we would have them move. He smiled politely and said they were fine — they were even calling him dad. We shared an uneasy laugh and decided to keep a closer watch.
After a few minutes, it became apparent that the man was actually not the father of any of the kids; he was actually at the lake alone. We quickly called our husbands, who were back at the campsite starting a fire, to come pick us up from the beach. We announced loudly enough for everyone to hear, “Kids! Time to come dry off! Daddy is picking us up so we can go make s’mores!” We hoped hearing that someone would be picking us up would deter the man’s attention in us and our children. Instead, he also began drying off and getting dressed. He asked us why we were leaving and where we were going. We restated that our husbands were pulling up to get us. As we began packing up, we had our children pose for a picture, stealthily capturing the man in the background of the pictures. At that moment, our husbands pulled up and we sent the kids running to their dads.
We were thankful for this event to be over and talked about how it could’ve been much worse.
For the rest of the weekend, we stayed close to our husbands back at the campsite. However, I began to wonder what would have happened if I was alone with my kids when this happened. What would I do if I didn’t have my husband nearby? What would I do if my friend wasn’t accompanying me? While I don’t believe in living my life in fear and paranoia, I realized that I should definitely be more prepared for self-defense and safety in dangerous situations like the one I was in, so I reached out to Tammy Zirk.
Tammy and her husband Ron (a law enforcement officer) own and operate ZirkOps Security and Training, a facility that offers handgun safety, self-defense classes, security training, and firearm training. I wanted to know what tips she had for moms who found themselves in questionable situations and needed to keep themselves and their children safe. First and foremost, Tammy suggested that when you feel uncomfortable in a situation, it is always best to leave, if possible. Additionally, she advised that moms should always have a plan including their children. She suggested a secret word, code, motion, or look that keeps you and your children on the same page. When hearing or seeing this secret word or code, your kids will understand that it is time to act quickly or leave. She also recommended talking to your kids often in order to help them understand the importance of safe interactions and dealings with strangers. Although this is difficult for children to understand — since they are prone to show kindness and trust — it is vital in keeping them safe. They should understand that not everyone is out to harm them, but that it only takes one time, one bad decision, or one “bad person” to put them in danger.
My son recently saw a neighbor running around the block. His kind, generous heart thought it wise to yell to the man and invite him in for water. Thankfully, this man, who is also a dad of littles, didn’t indulge my son’s request. Instead, he introduced himself to us and explained what happened. We revisited the conversation with our son, reminding him that while it’s good to be kind and generous to others, when we don’t know someone, it isn’t wise to interact with them without an adult. Furthermore, if anyone approached them without mommy or daddy, they were to immediately walk away and find a trusted adult.
These are never conversations I expected or wanted to have with my children. These were not fears I wanted to have as a parent, but the reality is that sometimes we find ourselves in dangerous or uncomfortable situations with our children, especially as moms. We should think, plan, and discuss with our families ahead of time in order to be prepared in case the need arises to protect our children from danger.
