Is it weird if reading “what to expect” community forums is one of my hobbies? Let me be honest. It’s mostly just for the drama. “Should I sleep train? My baby is up four times a night” … then someone chimes in with a supportive, “Of course, do what you need to do” and then another with the unsupportive, “Never sleep train for reason X, Y, Z.”
Back and forth the comments go, half being in favor, half not in favor, and then the vehemently opposed, and don’t mind if the hurt-your-feelings type always puts their two cents in. It’s confusing, right? I guess if I’m honest with myself, I also read it to get support for my own opinions.
With my first, I was like I will sleep train, and my baby will sleep by 12 weeks. I read all things sleep training before he was born. I was prepared. All my preparation was voided when all on his own, he slept through the night in the first few weeks, and we literally would have to wake him to feed him. While I applied some of the things I learned, I really didn’t formally sleep train. I even rocked him to sleep every night, and he slept through the night anyway. I would laugh as I read through Instagram and what to expect posts saying, “All babies need this or that” because I had learned that wasn’t true for every baby. When he started teething or hit a sleep regression, I did all the things they tell you not to do and for a few nights he would struggle, but then he’d go back to sleeping like an angel. Then, somewhere close to a year and a half, he didn’t want to be rocked any more. Now we just put him down in his crib to fall asleep independently. I remember thinking, sleeping training experts have nothing to teach me.
Enter baby number two.
In the first few weeks of his life, we did everything the same as with his brother. We’d rock him to sleep, let him nap on the go, on us, and even in his crib. We let him practice falling asleep on his own. He’d wake up to eat several times a night, and when he wouldn’t go back to sleep at 4am, we’d hold him to extend sleep for everyone. So, as we approached his first sleep regression, he was still getting up multiple times a night and only taking short naps. We powered through, and I just kept thinking sleep will just click at some point really soon.
We made it through the sleep regression and I am still up multiple times a night and he is still always wanting to eat. I started to panic and think he might never sleep, and for months, I tried to talk myself out of sleep training, telling myself, “His brother didn’t need it, why would he?” I had so many conversations with friends about it and tortured myself with the “Should I…?” or “Shouldn’t I…?” questions. I’d stand over his crib at night shushing him to sleep and patting him, and killing my back! We’d rock him to sleep, and he’d be up again in an hour.
So after weeks and weeks of stressing about it, I gave sleep training a try.
We took a Taking Cara Babies/Ferber approach with pop-ins to soothe him. The first couple of nights were rough, but I was shocked when a few nights in, he slept so much better. He could fall asleep independently and stay asleep. I was honestly shocked. It’s not perfect — and at eight-months-old, I’m still feeding him once a night — but once I feed him, I lay him back down and walk out. He sleeps a million times better, and I can tell he feels better, eats better, and seems happier. He needed more sleep.
So, the moral of this story is you should sleep train and you should also not sleep train.
Confusing, right!? The truth is every baby is different and has different needs, personalities, and learns at different paces. I pray for Oliver before bed and say “Continue to teach him how to sleep” because the truth is he is learning. He just needed to learn differently than his brother. I’m convinced I am meeting his needs in the way he needs them met. Yes, it’s hard to listen to the cries as he learns, but once he stopped crying, it’s such a joy to watch him experience good sleep. At the same time, some babies will just learn on their own, and with very little crying, they will be great sleepers. You can rock them to sleep for as long as you want and they will stay asleep when you lay them down in their cribs.
So as you read or listen to all the advice around you, know that your baby may need some sleep training and your baby may not. The best news is you get to decide! Don’t let others bully you or tell you they know best for your babe, but also know most of us are just trying to help a momma out!
