To the school moms I judged,
I want to share a comment my son (jokingly) said as we were filling out his high school registration: “I’m like the Guinea pig.”
As the first born and only boy, he isn’t wrong. Delivered by a young Momma who learned adulting with him, we have learned lots of things by winging it, pivoting, admitting mistakes, apologizing, and especially how *not* to potty train.
One major thing my son has taught me is that school and education should be fluid.
When I was a kid, I went to the school I was zoned for and that was that. I rode the bus or was a car rider. My Mom never put her insight into which teachers I would have. She had some side hustles, but for the most part, was a stay-at-home Mom. I really figured that would be the same educational path for my son, but I didn’t take into consideration that I was not the Mom mine was (who was amazing at all she did!).
My son had to go to daycare, so that I could go to school and work — there goes my judgment of working moms! I did what it seemed like everyone else was doing in my position: I visited daycares and enrolled him in the best one.
Turns out, daycare was not for him! He cried all day, every day to the point of being dehydrated because he couldn’t even drink water with how upset he was. I picked him up one day, went straight to the pediatrician to be checked out, and was told by a very nice nurse “maybe daycare isn’t the right place for him.”
I just wanted stability for him. There were plenty of family and friends that could care for him, but I also felt guilty putting that on other people that wouldn’t be paid. So I hired a private sitter who stayed home to be with her daughter and left her teaching career. This was a great fit! A judgment that somehow came in towards moms being *just* a stay-at-home mom was now thankfulness that someone could add my child to their day-to-day.
Next up: preschool and kindergarten. Really wanting the best and working hard for finances to be in the right place, I enrolled my son in a local private school. He was a smart little booger and I thought I was giving him the greatest environment in which to thrive. But with his smarts came a wiggly, adventurous, rambunctious, lots of questions at the *wrong* time little boy who just wasn’t fitting into a structured classroom.
Through prayer and heartache (I loved the faculty at his school!), he came home to be homeschooled by me. The mom I once judged for sheltering her child, I was now seeking out so I could ask about homeschool fairs and co-ops. I was the “never will I ever…” mom on a lot of things up until this point. Even though homeschool was our path, I began to soften my thinking on the decisions for parenting my son. Naive early 20s Danielle was being pressed in new ways!
When my next child was coming up on kindergarten, I felt a tug to return to a school setting for both of my kids. I really loved our days at home, however I knew we didn’t have to stay in the same place forever. There is no rule or book to say “this is best.” I wrote more about that transition here, but in a nutshell, the judgment layer of “homeschool moms are the best!” was being peeled away.
Fast-forward a decade and we are changing public schools again! At this point, I’m chuckling at all the twists and turns my son’s education has taken. I listened to him this year on wanting to change schools, and now he will be at the same one that graduated me into the world!
Changing your kids’ place of education doesn’t have to be an earth shattering decision. Try it out and if it doesn’t work, make another change! I wish I hadn’t adopted a “this is best” attitude. Really, I wasn’t judging either side of the fence, but I was rationalizing in my head that somehow we had found the magic path with each turn.
I’ll end with this: not every kid needs the same education or environment. Let’s be a little bit easier on and a lot more gracious towards all parents making the best decisions for their kids.
Sincerely,
A non-judgmental Mom who thinks you’re doing great.
PS: Read more if you want an unbiased opinion on homeschool vs public school.
