I believe that when I watched Iron Man tell his daughter, “Love you, 4,000,” something clicked in my head. It seems silly that a movie should be the thing to make such connections, but, then again, that is the point of reading, hearing, and/or watching for experiences beyond ourselves. Thank you, Shakespeare, and, ironically, Iron Man.
I suppose what changed for me in that moment was simply the idea that I needed to say, “I love you,” more often out loud. I always think it. I know I feel it. I know that my daughters understand how much I love and believe in them through my actions. However, the impact of the verbal pronouncement of love goes beyond simple gestures such as hugs, cuddles, time, and effort.
Our children currently live in a deafening world.
They will hear, from almost every direction, about how inadequate they are to the society around them. They will listen to messages of hate, fear, and other negativities more than messages for community, love, and helpfulness because that’s how the internet works. This worldwide engine is constantly spinning out the things that cause the most reactions: many of them are hard truths that we all have to grapple with. However, one truth is pretty simple: When we feel comfortable and happy, we are less likely to engage. When we feel mad or upset, we have to use that restless energy somehow, so we are more likely to push those engagement buttons, leave comments, share, etc. This is not to say that it’s not essential to see and understand the hard things, but we often don’t see the good engagement happening around them.
This is a conversation I plan to have with my children. How the internet works and why. How to engage safely, responsibly, and with an understanding of one’s mental health boundaries. I’ll help them as best I can, though even now I struggle in the mire. I find myself seeing so much that it is hard to bear that my roots are shaken. There are many ways to make our roots healthier, religion being a very important one for me, but secondarily, the only thing that helps me hold on is that connection to my loved ones.
All that to say, my daughters will often hear how they are not ok, how they do not fit, how they do not meet expectations. I can give them many healthy tools to help combat those ideas so that they don’t take them to heart.
But the easiest, most long-lasting tool on my belt is words of affirmation and love.
“I love you more than the billions of suns in our galaxy.”
“I love you so much that I feel like a balloon filling up and floating so high!”
“I love you more than lace.”
“I love you more than my phone.”
“I love you more than anything you could ever do, or break, or paint on…”
So, it isn’t a perfect plan. But I’m still growing as a parent, and this is the only plan I’ve got. If you haven’t heard it today, I wanted to share it with you. You are loved. Look for those around you who fill your bucket, who love you more than their favorite pastime, who are there for you when you need them.
