I have said more than once and to more than one person: yoga saved my life. And I believe that with all my heart and soul. When I was at my darkest point in life, feeling alone, and on the verge of sinking deeper into depression than I ever had before, committing to a daily yoga practice helped me to find the light, seeping in at the edges of life. It helped me learn to love my body for the first time ever. And it helped anchor my body and my mind to the present instead of letting my mind drift off into past regrets or future worries.
This year, my 25+ year relationship with yoga evolved to a new stage when I began earning my certification to teach yoga. As I reflected on this relationship and how yoga has changed me and shaped who I am, I realized that one of the most impactful ways yoga shaped me was by making me a better mother. Not only did yoga pull me out of depression, but by embodying the philosophy of yoga and practicing those teachings “off the mat” as we yogis are fond of saying, I became a more patient, more forgiving, and happier mother. Yoga helped me, and I believe it can help you, too, no matter which stage of parenting you’re in, or whether you’ve ever practiced yoga or not.
Here are four ways yoga made me a better mom and the practices that got me there:
1. I’m more patient.
Asana, the third of the Eight Limbs of Yoga enumerated in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, is what we in the West commonly think of when we think of yoga. It is the physical practice of engaging the body in various poses. Asana practice can help us build strength, tone our muscles, improve our balance, and become more flexible. But none of that happens overnight. Along the way, we may feel sore from the exertion. We may lose our balance and fall. We may find the progress toward being able to fully engage in a pose slow. But, when we stick with it, go at our own pace and lean into the words of Patthabi Jois, the “father of Ashtanga yoga” who said, “Do your practice and all is coming,” we will continue to grow and see our personal practice evolve. In other words, stick with it and you’ll get there.
But how does that apply to parenting, you’re wondering. Well, for me, it means that I have learned to watch as my sons have grown at their own pace. This hasn’t always been easy. I mean, it’s still not and will probably never be easy. But whether it’s watching them learn to walk, learn to manage emotions, improve their academic performance or develop new talents or skills, parenting requires the same gentle perseverance as progressing in a yoga pose. Remember that progress is not always linear, and setbacks are part of the process, both in yoga and parenting.
2. I’m more present, more often.
Like most things in life, my ability to be present ebbs and flows. When I was deep in my battle with depression, I often found it nearly impossible to be fully present for my loved ones. I could be in the same room, sitting right beside them, but my mind might be a million miles away, overwhelmed by the endless cacophony of chatter in my brain. Even if you’re not battling something as nefarious as depression, it’s so easy to get lost in the mental load of your day-to-day life and the swirl of overwhelm that can sometimes bring. Yoga, specifically the following practices, has helped me in my quest to be fully present to my family more often, and in doing so, deepen our relationships.
Dharana is about training the mind to focus on one point. It’s the first step toward meditation, and in your yoga practice, it might involve concentrating on a specific pose, a point in the room, a candle flame, or even your breath. As a parent, dharana teaches you to focus on your child in the present moment, pushing aside distractions like to-do lists or worries. It’s about consciously deciding to be there, fully attentive, which allows for deeper connections.
Dhyana takes the concentration of Dharana to the next level, leading to a flow state of meditation. This practice can help you maintain presence even during chaotic or stressful moments with your kids. It’s about finding stillness in your mind, so instead of reacting emotionally or being overwhelmed by external demands, you can respond to your child calmly and with full awareness. Over time, this meditation practice helps quiet that mental chatter, making it easier to be present.
Pranayama connects you to your breath, creating a pathway to the present moment. Whether you’re doing a structured breathwork practice or simply taking deep breaths in the heat of a parenting challenge, pranayama can help ground you. When you feel your mind slipping into overwhelm or distraction, focusing on your breath pulls you back to the here and now, helping you to be more engaged and attentive with your loved ones.
3. I’m kinder – to others and myself.
Yamas, or restraints, are the first limb of yoga and offer a model for how to live in relation to others. The first of the five yamas is ahimsa, or non-violence. Really, it can translate as “do no harm.” I’m not a violent person, but I can be impulsive and even if I haven’t done it aloud, I can be critical. Usually, the negative thoughts stay in my head, but like any parent, I have had my moments when I have said the wrong thing. But the thing I’ve done that was the most harmful, to myself and my relationship with my children, was to compare them to others. Again, this isn’t something I ever said aloud to them. It stayed in my head, but still…a thought can still create negative energy and be damaging.
Whether it was wishing one of my kids was a better student and feeling discouraged they didn’t win any academic awards on Honors Day while my friends’ children did, undervaluing the citizenship awards they did win, or comparing them to their peers who seemed more socially sophisticated, I was stealing the joy out of honoring and celebrating them for being the wonderful, unique beloved humans they are.
Of course, my critiques and comparisons weren’t limited to my kids. I was constantly doing it to myself, too. I could never be as skinny as this mom or as popular as that mom. My house is never as put together and I never look as stylish as that other mom. And if my kids were struggling academically, or not making friends, or battling ADHD…it had to be because I suck at life and I especially suck at parenting. I fell short in every way. Right?
Wrong. And yoga, specifically the practice of ahimsa, helped me understand that and to quiet that critical voice that I learned from my own mom. See, ahimsa isn’t just about refraining from physical harm; it also extends to how we treat ourselves and others mentally and emotionally. When we engage in comparisons, whether with our children or ourselves, we are practicing a form of violence, even if it’s subtle. Those critical thoughts, judgments, and feelings of inadequacy cause harm by diminishing our self-worth and the unique value of our kids. By embracing ahimsa, we learn to let go of the urge to compare, replacing criticism with compassion and acceptance. This shift allows us to honor the individuality of our children and ourselves, celebrating strengths instead of focusing on perceived shortcomings. Ahimsa teaches us to be kinder, both inwardly and outwardly, fostering a more peaceful and nurturing relationship with ourselves and our family.
4. I am more content and generally happier.
Perhaps as a result of slowing down, becoming more patient, and being kinder to myself, my children, and my husband, or maybe just taking time to practice santosha, I just like my life a whole lot better. Santosha is the second of the five Niyamas, or personal observances, in the Eight Limbs of Yoga, and it translates to contentment or satisfaction. It’s about cultivating a sense of peace and acceptance with your current circumstances, without constantly seeking something more or different. The practice of santosha encourages gratitude for what you have and where you are, helping you find happiness in the present moment rather than waiting on external achievements or future desires to come to fruition before you can feel happy. It’s about embracing what is, even when life isn’t perfect. So, when I look at my messy house, I can feel grateful for the roof over my head and warm comfort. When I’ve driven 50 miles in a day taking my kid to school and sports practice, I can be grateful for him and for his wonderful school, and my car or the beautiful sunrise I get to peek on my way between his school and work each morning.
There is so much more that yoga has given me but I won’t belabor the point. Except to say, I think you’ll like what yoga can do for you, too!
I will add that yoga is truly something anyone can practice, no matter what your current level of athleticism is. There are accessible classes, including chair yoga, for those with limited mobility. And, there are trauma-informed classes for individuals who have suffered physical or emotional trauma. Chattanooga has an abundance of studios that vary in style of yoga, vibe, and class offerings. And if you’re not ready for studio classes, there are private classes and a wealth of online offerings.
