Have you ever dealt with depression and anxiety? Struggling with depression and anxiety can feel like being trapped in a glass box, especially when a feeling of panic sets in. Being trapped is a terrifying feeling and worse yet, it’s like being in a glass box where nothing can be hidden. When you are dealing with depression and anxiety, you feel as though it has to be hidden from everyone as it’s too taboo for others to see. So you are putting on the performance of a lifetime and no one realizes it because that’s the point — no one else is to know.
This is what depression and anxiety feel like. It’s a taboo subject, but it’s the life of so many like me. Most of the time, I am good. Most of the time, people who meet me or know me wouldn’t know I deal with this behind closed doors. I am a wife and a mom just trying to do what is best for her family, and then the normal stressors of life are exacerbated by freak accidents or health scares, and I feel like I am in the box again.
Instead of asking for help or saying, “I’m not okay,” I go into my act. I load my plate so full that nothing else could possibly fit. Then, I am off to pretend that I have everything under control, when in reality, I’m so exhausted that I can’t tell which way is up. It’s not the tired kind of exhausted; it is an indescribable exhaustion. Exhausted from decision-making, thinking and just existing.
“Snap out of it,” “quit focusing on the negative,” and “you gotta keep yourself busy” are phrases often said to someone going through an episode of depression/anxiety. If it were that easy — believe me — I would make it happen, but it isn’t.
Recently, I had a battle with my anxiety/depression when life became too overwhelming.
Between health scares of family members, health issues with one of my kids, life stressors, deadlines, cake orders, homeschool decisions and the usual money worries of a mom of four, I became debilitated with anxiety and depression. I started trying to mask the fears and anxieties going through my head at rampant speeds. I withdrew. I experienced my first panic attack and it bought a depression like I’ve not had in years. Up until that moment, I thought I had everything under control…it creeps up on you just like that. Then, before you know it, you are spiraling and trying to hide that fact from anyone and everyone.
But why? Why can we not reach out for help? Why is there a stigma around mental health?
Can we open up a dialogue for discussion with our friends and families? Can we make it the new normal to check on our loved ones and let them know it’s okay to not be okay? Because IT IS OKAY; you don’t have to hide it. This too shall pass, and once it does, you will still be standing. It’s okay to need to work through your feelings. Feeling this way does not make you less than; in fact, in my eyes, it makes you one heck of a strong woman to face those demons and to come out still standing.
You are stronger than depression and anxiety, so show the world.
