It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
I love this! We decided that we’re not buying “all the stuff this year” Our children have everything, so much stuff they don’t even have room to play in their rooms with their stuff. I also talked to my mom about this and she had been thinking the same thing. We’re definitely going to do subscription boxes, my daughter loves getting packages and we homeschool, so these will be awesome. And maybe some passes to different places. Great article!
I’m the mom of a medically fragile toddler adopted from foster care. My 5 grown children are i24-37. 11 grandkids newborn to 15. WE ALL HAVE TOO MUCH.
After spending 3 months in the NICU with my sweet girl, And many more weeks inpatient I know there are kids in children’s hospitals that have nothing, sometimes not even a parent. Gifts like pajamas, slippers, blankets, stuffies, and color books could be a huge blessing. And those mommas and daddies who spend long hours( I spent 150 days with my sweet girl 3 hours from home) need those things too and toiletries and coffee and magazines and gum and breath mints.
Newborns and premies love swaddle gowns and swaddle blankets.
Get your kids involved and make a sick child’s days magical.
Sheli Novak. Beautiful that’s the best idea yet….sharing is truly caring for the very less fortunate. ❤️?❤️
Thanks for these suggestions! My 8 year old is asking for donations for families at our Children’s Hospital and it’s good to have a list instead of just asking for cash.
And for anyone reading this who thinks it’s unfair to get her to do this; it was all her own idea with no prompting!
Wonderful ideas all. And remember too, the Children’s Homes have many children to care for and would likely give you a wish list even for basic NEEDS.
I get needed things for several children’s group homes in my area, also older people prefer gift cards or food baskets with their favorite baked goods, teas, candies, etc. Gift cards for eating out, grocery stores or their favorite stores like Cracker Barrel gifts. I know I don’t need more “stuff” unless it is used up like food or lotions, or eating out. I would tell people what I prefer if they ask and I would ask them what they’d like.
Agreed and there are plenty of preschools and schools who do not have the money for books, you can donate there as well. If the toys are new and just not suitable, there are many charities that collect for children.
Some ideas are good here in the original article but not all….. You can also give coupons for things for your children that are age appropriate. One day off from doing the dishes or a trip to the store for an ice cream cone with just that child. Children like time with Mom or dad alone, especially children in large families such as Jama’s. As they got a little older my children would make coupon books for ME as well, much appreciated.
You sound exactly like my daughter – down to the smallest detail! Excellent article, and you are so right. My daughter used to live in Chattanooga. We all love it there – I’m happy for you to be in such a great place. If she ever moved back, you two would really connect. But – of course – neither one of you has time. You’re busy moving stuff around and getting those kids to pick up the LEGOS!!!! Best of luck to you in your new town.
Zoo pass (w/ parking!) already purchased for the grandkids!
When my children were young, we’d get the toys they’d out grown and give them away. The toys were well taken care of, so some toys looked new.
Just loved this post , I’m a mum of 3. 9 yr old boy , 12 yr old girl & 15 yr old boy ?
Yep so tired of there stuff , my 9 yr old loves making stuff out of cardboard , so would be excited over a box , my 12 yr old girl is the collector in the family , loves everything & has everything , 15yr old just loves technology as hubby’s is a computer programmer ..
Me loves book, clothes & shoes as works in a shoe shop & loves history as a tour guide to .. So yes this year it’s being kept simple .. Unfortunately as loving as there uncle is as he has no other Bruce & nephews or children etc . Spoils the kids ! Last year he’s car was filled with presents front & back & boot too .. Omg still trying to dispose of or find a place for the stuff .. So thanks for sharing this love it xx
Perfect response. I as a grandmother was offended this article. He is my response….As a grandparent, my comment is; coordinate with the parents as to what is needed for the children. As a grandparent, I really do enjoy buying( what I am told I can buy) for my grandchildren and having them open gifts even if they enjoy for a short time. The parent then can pitch if they so desire. I can say, I am offended with this article.It’s a shut down of family and a slap in the face.
How is this a shut down of family? Buying unneeded things is so wasteful, and teaches children just that, that fin they get bored with something they can just toss it. There is no lesson of financial responsibility, of any kind of responsibility really.
Giving experiences over item so enriches children’s lives, and as the article mentions, getting a small accompanying item to go with the museum/zoo/science centre pass is a great way to get the child excited about what’s to come. There is also the added benefit of being able to go to these places with your grandchild, or help with them the activites in the case of a subscription box.
As a grandmother, this is the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard. I have always tried to buy things my grandchildren need by having them make me a list but after reading this ridiculous article , I feel guilty for buying them anything at all if it is going to be considered “useless stuff ” that does nothing but clutter up their house. This seems typical of a generation of extremely spoiled people who never learned to appreciate anything because they were always given too much. They may regret feeling this way after the grandparents are gone & they no longer get anything at all to clutter their house. Then will they learn to appreciate the emptyness?All I can say is “Ba-humbug.”
Judy, I don’t really understand your argument. You are offended that the author is saying “my children have way too much stuff; please stop!” Yet in your very own words, you complain that recent generations are “extremely spoiled” because “they were always given too much.” You are proving the author’s point exactly! She doesn’t want her kids to be spoiled with way too many things they don’t need and won’t appreciate.
Also, for everyone complaining that they love buying things for their grandkids and communicate with the parents about what is needed–the author clearly says that yes, her kids do need a few things. I don’t think she is saying we should get rid of gift-giving altogether. She is only asking that we give thoughtful gifts and try to focus on what will be appreciated rather than end up ignored in a pile of clutter. If you say that you do already focus on what your grandkids need, then you are probably doing a good job and are not the audience this article is focused on.
honey, you need to lighten up! 🙂
my mother buys our sons stuff they can use and enjoy like paper and pencils or books or movie tickets…my family is into things for their use AND enjoyment, but I NEVER thought once about the STUFF my grandmother bought me after she died! I have memories of experiences that she and I shared, NOT THINGS! I hope your grandkids appreciate everything about YOU, not the STUFF you have them when they were three years old they will never remember.
Much love and peace and be well with yourself NOT worth the THINGS you are surrounded by. we are not a generation of spoiled kids we are a generation that is trying to teach our children about love and compassion for others, especially during the season of thanksgiving and christmas, don’t mistake it!! 🙂
Beautifully said ❤️
Gosh
Judy and Brenda – so it’s all about you and what you want, not what’s best for your (adult) child or your grandchildren. Waste the environment, teach them that everything is disposable, and dump the burden onto your daughter ( or daughter in law??) to have to find time to tidy up or declutter. But that’s OK because you got YOUR emotional pay-off.
Get a grip on your egos, both of you.
Why is this a shut down of family? Would you like to know what is *actually* a shut down of family? The fact that, although I would love to do things like go to museums, amusement parks, movies, restaurants, etc with my kids, my husband and I can rarely afford do any of those things. Yet we live in an apartment filled with SO MANY TOYS, 70% of which our kids never touch after the first 10 minutes. Every day I come home to the clutter and it stresses me out to the point that I cry. And every Christmas I BEG my mother-in-law to please reconsider buying so many toys (a few toys are ok, I understand that!), because we simply do not have the space and it is hurting our home life. Things like memberships and movie gift cards would be so amazing, and would allow us to have fun together instead of being stuck in a stressful, overflowing environment. So no, I don’t think this article is a shut down of family. I think it’s asking people to remember that families need time together more than they need 300 different toys!
I’m sorry you feel this way. I am caused much anxiety by this time of the year, to the point of tears in anticipation of all the stuff. First, I must say, I have the most amazing MIL a girl could ask for. Her love language is gift giving. This last year I negotiated her down to 6, yes 6, gifts per child…and she still didn’t stick to it. We moved from a condo to a much larger home so I guess she felt we had the room for it all. So here is where the true problem lies, my kids don’t play with toys much. They want toys, but they honestly don’t play with them. And when I say that I mean they don’t even take them out of the box. And the toys that are out of their boxes don’t get played with until other kids come over and spread them all over the basement, which my kids have a meltdown about because they are now required to clean up a mess they didn’t make. Needless to say I offloaded a TON of toys.
All this to say, aren’t we all burdened with enough stuff? My children’s love language is quality time. They would be delighted to go anywhere and do anything with someone, making memories, over receiving a gift. The gifts are honestly forgotten the next day.
brenda, how sad but i understand-how about you bring some of the kids’ toys thry already have – home with you for when they visit- this way, they don’t get overwhelmed and add to the chaos- or how about thinking of the experiences you had as a child, giving them those experiences they can have a good time doing is better than hodge podge items and will keep on giving- they can swnd you photos of them enjoying the experiences like memberships somewhere? or if you live close, tag along and be part of the memory making process-
I so totally agree! I am new grandma and love seeing my granddaughter open things. Even clothes!!! Sounds like this mother is burned out!!! Why did u have four kids??? Sounds like she needs to teach them to pick up and have yard sales lol. And she’s griping cause everyone wants to buy for her kids!! I bet there are a lot of parents who would gladly welcome that!!!
Good grief, Brenda! The article wasn’t meant as a command, just to be helpful. I am a stressed nana every Christmas. This helps me. If it doesn’t you, it’s ok.. Don’t be mean. Do whatever you enjoy., but get offended by something really important like abortion or abuse or violence.
Seriously? You need more than articles to read, apparently…Offended? I’m offended that you are offended about such brilliance! He, he!!
Grandma – just do you, as silently – I promise you – your kids are wishing for the exact same ideas suggested by the poster. You might be surprised if you just ask. ?
In the meantime, I’ll go be offended about real issues – racism, politics, crime, child abuse, the lottery not offering good odds to win, my puppy pooping on my pillow, and Vacation pricing in the up and up, for example… ?
It would suffice to say, the only thing we have in common, may just be our name…
We exchange Christmas ornaments with other children. We find ornaments during the year, specifically for each person and their interests. The year is written on it, and the giver’s name. Each of my children has their own box, so they decorate the tree with their own stuff, and repack it after Christmas. Now that they are adults, they took their boxes to their new homes, and their first tree is a link to their childhood trees. I still buy them a new ornament each year
I’ve done this with my children and grandchildren since 1974! They may think it’s kinda dumb when they are teenagers but they sure love that box of ornaments after they have gotten married…I hear so many “I remember this one and that one”!it continues to bring joy each year. The grandkids love it too. They get their new ornament each year on thanksgiving day. We love this tradition! As a grandma I still do love to give that one special gift the kids love getting. It’s what makes Christmas so fun…and I do give them my time and experiences all year long
This is how we do Christmas now. 2nd year. I bought my kids new hat and mitten sets and snow boots for Christmas. I told my oldest “getting clothes, food, craft supplies , board games and books is all they need. My husband buys me garden supplies for our vegetable gardening. I grow vegetable plants. and fruit plants durning winter in my house. The kids love this. cooking wear like cast iron pans if I need it which are a good investment. You can also use for cooking on grills or fires for emergencies. I do a lot of home cooking. Canning materials. Also will be teaching them about canning. Myself to. All get my kids a couple books from The thrift store that is useful. Like teaching ones that will help them with a subject their struggling in school, nature books , books to encourage reading. Board games are important in my home. If my children out grow some we donate them to thrift store and replace them with ones from thrift store. It’s good to use for teaching them the importance of socialize , familyand etc, and not be on the tv or video games for hours durning holiday breaks. I let my sons have craft supplies. Favorite popsicle sticks and oragami paper. They design their own toys or etc. I see them play more with this then toys. We still have some toys. Don’t get me wrong. But they have had the same ones for almost several years now. One of my sons still has a pirate ship he got on his second birthday. He is 9. Lol!!!
This Christmas my son will be getting his first compass. I gave him a lot of state maps I have had since I was a child from National Geographic last year. Also gave him the animal cards I had when’ I was a child. My mom saved them for her future grand kids. He loves this stuff. Passing down something from the family is a nice gift to give especially when they are getting older. Also I put a couple dollars away in their piggy bank on holidays and don’t tell them. So when graduation comes they already have a gift that will diffently help them with etc.:)
I think a gift certificate to a portrait studio/photographer would be fantastic for parents with children. I’m going to be a first time grandma this March and that is my idea for my son and his wife.
Mother of four young children myself. Absolutely love this… Best. Gift. Idea!!! Aside from professional photos, there are very few pictures of me with my children, so I absolutely cherish them.
Thank you! Great article. I hope I can convince my family. I am already buying them Southwest gift cards as presents so they can ultimately visit us, since we live far from my side of the family. My wife and I also follow your advice when buying presents for our kids and each other. We like to buy memories, not crap.
I needed this !!!!! I’m not a mom but I shop every year for friends and family with children. Thanks for helping me realize what goes on after the excitement is over !!!!!
These are WONDERFUL alternative ideas! Great blog post! I have been giving my grandmother gift cards to Clinique for years and last year I started the tradition of giving my parents an Amazon Prime membership, which will remind me every year to renew it for them. Again, love your ideas!
This is definitely something I can relate to and agree with, and sadly there are too many well meaning gift givers that just don’t think of the things that you mentioned, so thank you so much! I’m also a mom of four, including both my daughters who have special needs and we are in Chattanooga alot because of appointments. Gas and food gift cards would be perfect for those occasions! Thanks for sharing!
Great article. We have for the last couple of years been educating our boys that Jesus received 3 gifts and if that was enough for him, then 3 is more than enough for them. The stress in our family starts when those monster catalogs come from Walmart, Target, Toys R Us and many others with 1000 useless and overpriced toys lands in our mailbox. I appreciate your honesty in writing this. I think there are probably more people who feel like this, then you think.
Actually, that is not true. He received more than 3. Research that.
Would you tell us how many more an what they were?
What is ironic is that Christmas is celebrating Jesus’ birthday… not ours – or our children’s. So no matter how many gifts Jesus received, we don’t need to match it. If you have a heart for God, keep challenging yourself to keep the focus on Him… and put that gift magic towards our children’s actual birthdays.
I love this! I’m also a mom of four boys, and I dread trying to plan their Christmas this year (stuff is expensive, the older they get). After reading this, I will implement another approach that will make a difference, rather than clutter 🙂
Awsome idea very inspired ?
Buy savings bonds. By the time they mature kids are ready for cars and such. My oldest bought his first car from savings bonds grandparents had bought.
While I love this idea, savings bonds are not what they used to be. The interest rate is extremely low (.10 % on EE and 0.00 % on I) and you can only buy them electronically then hold them in your account or the recipient must have an account you can send them to. If anyone has other ideas of money saving accounts that make money I would love to hear them.
I have a friend who opened a saving account for each of their nephews and nieces. They put money into the savings account for them every year for birthdays and Christmas. When they graduated high school there was money saved to pay for part of their college.
There are other investments you can do instead of savings bonds. I think the idea is to give them something that is saved that they can use later. Good investments can really add up; we’ve done it for our kids and they are so grateful..
Actually, look into a youth spending account or checking account. We put money into them and gave them to our 14-year-old and 11-year-old daughters last year. We put into their accounts each month what we would spend on them for activities, shampoo, etc., and they then have to budget their own money for their own stuff. This was an idea from the Dave Ramsey book, “Smart Money, Smart Kids”, and it has been fun to watch them really plan their spending. It has in itself cut down immensely on what they think they want to buy. 🙂 Even little kids can do this. We used to buy Visa gift cards for each when we went on vacation with the caveat that: it’s your money and you can spend it any way you want to, but when it’s gone, it’s totally gone and there will be no more coming. They were sooooooo much more careful. 🙂
Educational savings account (ESA) pick mutual funds that have at least a 10 year record. I wish my in laws would give us money for ESA instead of toys.
One other thing that you didn’t mention, is shopping for others. My mom just LOVES to shop. She doesn’t find gift cards or paying for lessons fun. So I’ve channeled her love for shopping into helping needy families at the holidays. I sponsor a family from a local charity and give her the list of what they want/need (it’s almost always “needs” like winter coats). She loves it, we don’t get stuff we don’t need, and the families get gifts when they wouldn’t have. Win all around!
Any ideas for infants? I have a new baby niece and want to be mindful of giving more stuff (that she really already has or will get from other relatives) but she’s too young to enjoy a museum or anything like that. Any ideas besides stocks/bonds/money? Thanks!
Diapers, wipes -ask about upcoming clothing size needs? Gift cards for photography sessions or to a retailer for printing of pictures.
If the newborn”s mama is into making her own baby food go to Amazon & purchase one of those pouch kits. It’s better for baby to eat what mama knows is in the pouch & it last longer than you think. I found it not to be as expensive as I thought either. MY DIL loved it & my granddaughter had good healthy meals. It’s a win win if the mama is into making her own baby food
Have they set up a college account for her? At that age putting the money you would have spent on gifts in an account could build some decent compound interest for her!
YES, YES, YES! They will appreciate it so much in the future when they actually can think, and if you added a little bit each year, they will get excited to watch it grow.
And good for you for being an awesome aunt who isn’t worried more about feeling good about herself than anything else. Young kids don’t remember any of this stuff.
What about some kinds of “mommy and me” class? Or, babysitting while you send mom out for a massage — or a nap. LOL Or even getting mom some meals so she doesn’t have to think about dinner every once in a while. Helping mom’s brain get a break is awesome for the kids, too.
Swim with Mom or Dad
a wish bank
Kiwi Crate just came out with a new crate for ages 0-2. My husband and I plan on getting this for all of our nieces and nephews. You might look into that. I’ve also been to baby showers where I have to bring my favorite book for the child’s library. If mom and dad like to read, I’m sure additional books would be nice so they aren’t reading the same ones every few nights.
re: infants–Piggy bank with a starter amount of coins in it. Really don’t underestimate the power of college money or savings bonds. YOU might want to give toys and such, but especially as a baby, they have NO CLUE that they’re even getting anything. So while they don’t know ages 0-2, give them all those things–and then give them gifts of books and certificates for events when they are old enough to really enjoy them. I have 4 girls and everyone wants to know what to get for our infant. I can’t think of a single thing. Other ideas: amazon, walmart, target. BRU gift card to save up for the next size car seat, grocery store gift certificates for baby food, or just ask the parent what clothing they need for winter, etc.
Something else for the older kids-gift cert. for FOOD at the zoo, aquarium, etc. especially with large families it’s a lot more difficult to plan trips around meals especially while juggling a variety of ages of kids.
Babysitting is also completely invaluable. Sometimes the best gift you could give a baby or toddler is a date night out for mom and dad. Especially if they dont have a sitter, day care or people nearby that help out on a regular basis.
Yes, to books. Books are great for all ages. If you have no clue give a book gift card, and a cute bookmark attached.
Write her a letter that she can open on her 18th birthday ?
My brother in law set up college savings accounts for all my boys for their first birthday and they ckntribute to that each holiday and send the kids a nice book. It has been such an awesome gift!!!
I always appreciated diapers
For babies I would suggest a photo shoot with pictures package which vary in price depending on if it is Walmart or a professional photographers photos. I gift this for the second or third child of a family because they already have all the hand me downs from the older sibling(s). Later children don’t have as many pictures taken as the first. It is also a nice gift for the parents to share with the extended family who don’t get to see the child often. For older kids and if you have a decent camera, attend their hockey game or soccer game and take pictures of them in action and gift a Memory key full of photos of them and their team or family.
A gift of diapers.com where mom can order what ever she needs.
I love the photo idea…wish we had had the money for nice photos when they were little!
We give our baby granddaughter diapers for Christmas and birthdays (plus she gets deposits in her savings account). Once she is older, the diapers will be replaced by lessons, zoo memberships, museum memberships (and the savings account deposits will continue). I wish I had done the same thing for our children when they were young. Though we were always frugal, we still wasted money on things that ended up being a waste of time, money, effort, plus added to the stress of working parents. A lesson I did learn later I will share: when our daughter started college I had $25 a month placed in a special savings account for her. When she graduated, I gave her that stash of money so she’d have something to start with once she started her new life and job. It was not a huge amount, but it did offset expenses for damage deposit for an apartment, utility deposit, and moving truck rental for her trek from her college apartment to her job in a different state. Friends and family generously celebrated her graduation with gifts of cash which also helped with her move.
I grew up in extreme poverty; as a child I remember adults always saying that if you are “good then Santa will bring you presents.” My brothers, sister, and I were very good children and received nothing for Christmas because every bit of money went for daily survival. Reading the ugly replies from some of these folks just saddens me. No one is trying to take away your family or your joy. Though I did not receive Christmas gifts due to lack of money, I learned what Christmas was and what it was not. Christmas is the joy of togetherness and family. Christmas is doing the right thing even when no one is watching. Christmas is not a bunch of gifts given to piss off your children or in-laws. Christmas is reaching out with a generous heart to give the gift of time, experience, and wisdom to others. My mother-in-law, now deceased, tried to make everything equal down to the last penny. Unfortunately, she also included her time with this. Because of her other granddaughter living a few hours away, she felt she should not spend much time with our daughter who lived a two miles away since Sarah might feel slighted. Our daughter had to beg to spend time with her grandmother. Our Courtney’s most cherished memories of her grandmother are cooking with her for the holidays and writing down all of Mammaw’s favorite recipes and asking about what her life was like when she was Courtney’s age. Courtney probably could not tell you today what gifts she received from Mammaw at Christmas (which totaled up to the exact amount as the other grandchildren), but she will tell you with delight how to make Mammaw’s ham and cheese rolls or apple stack cake. She can tell you what activities Mammaw participated in while in high school and fun things she liked to do with her pals. I am sorry to take over your post like this, but I just want others to know what really counts with kids. Make a memory that will last forever. It might be building snowmen, ice skating lessons, a trip to a play, anything that is an experience. And if you really want to buy some gifts, sponsor a family from your church or community and take your grandchildren with you as you pick out gifts for them. When the only thing on a six year old or a sixteen year old’s WISH LIST is socks and underwear, the grandkids will come away with a sense of compassion when they ask grandmother if they can help buy some books, crayons, and toys for the child with their own money.
Jama, Thank you for speaking up. I usually give clothes. Ask what are they in need of. 10 grandchildren. 2 are in Chattanooga 3 & 4 year old boys. Great suggestions.
Have a blessed Christmas ?❤?
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