It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
I asked people not to give me anything this year. When my husband asked I told him art supplies and maybe art lessons. I sponsor pets from my favorite rescue for the pet lovers in my life and for adults I give to their favorite charity.
I was offended with my comments were taken off. I don’t think I said half of what the others said were bad. My daughter thinks just like you do and I am the girls mimi. My daughter thought it was so much fun to get 8 or 10 things because she didn’t get any toys all year. Why does she now think because she does not want to pick up after them. After all she wanted these children and we shouldd give a little of our time picking up after them.
While I kinda agree about the kids stuff…(with the caveat that,while I’m all for getting things the kids will actually want over junk, what the kids want and what the parents want them to want often diverge) Case in point the botanical gardens membership someone gave us last year that sits on the desk, still completely unused by me or my teens.
THE adult part cracked me up. Go ahead, get your in-laws an appointment with a personal trainer! roflmao, THAT WILL GO OVER HUGE! Nothing says “Merry Christmas!” Like inferring someone is overweight and out of shape!!!! Conversely, I do love me a Starbucks card!
I just spent the last two days cleaning stuff out. I sold several items, have a bunch to give away, and threw out a ton of broken junk. What I would really like for the kids are family memberships. I want one to the science museum, and the zoo. They all need clothes. The one thing I actually plan to buy is a comforter to match my daughter’s new sheets. That is all. They don’t need any more junk, no more electronics, certainly no more toys.
The most favourite thing my kids get is the gift of time.
I have two kids and they have many aunts and uncles and we have ended up with gifts still unopened by the time the next Christmas rolls around and it’s just sickening.
Then my kids started getting time. Either a day or an overnight for just them. An aunt or uncle takes them and them only and they go to the park, zoo, skating, shopping, a movie….whatever that kid is into. They love having a special day for just them that they don’t have to share with another sibling or cousins and get to do things that we don’t often have time for. We get a break too.
This is worth more to them than the latest toy.
Just wanna say MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone!!!!!!!!! Have a MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!
As granparents we believe in getting the things that matter and last. We always but clothes, but we also add to our outdoor families needs. Hunting gear, life time hunting & fishing license for the kids before they are two. Things they are sure to enjoy and use. We got our grandson a fishing pole and fishin box last year. The little stink caught the biggest fish all summer. He was so excited! He sees the pic on grandmas phone and shows everyone “his first fish”. The memories and time spent with him are a million times better than any toy we could have given him.
Maybe I’m an anomaly here, I come from a big family, it’s very appreciated when anything is given because it is rare.
I also go through our stuff regularly and declutter or even pack up old things and bring them out again when the younger child is ready to enjoy it.
I don’t feel overwhelmed by it and I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have so many things given to my children that we didn’t need to get things ourselves.
I wonder what exactly you buy your children? Are they toys? Are you just making a list of what you’d like? What does Santa deliver?
Okay, please realize that not everyone is like you. I gave presents to siblings’ children many years, and only once did my children receive a present from my siblings. I gave well researched presents that they appreciated. I rarely receive presents as an adult. I asked a boyfriend once for Christmas to paint (or have painted) my living room. He bought me a cashmere sweater in the exact style and color of one I had. I accepted it graciously and wore it. We don’t always get what we want even when it is communicated. Some families are concerned about treatment of animals in zoos. Ask first before getting a zoo membership.
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