It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
Very good article…however I would like to suggest two things.
1. Donate your duplicates and things not really played with to charity
2. Go through that plethora of toys and bag them up…bring one bag down for a few months then fill it back up and exchange it for another bag of different stuff..rotate things in a more manageable amount for your space….hopefully you have attic or basement storage for the exchange bags, if not, see#1.
It’s hard when we don’t have storage space for all of the stuff, then I feel bad getting rid of things they’ve barely had a chance to play with. And the gift givers will wonder where their presents are when they come over. I guess I also just grew up differently. Our grandparents had lots of grandchildren and limited funds so we each got a present and the aunts and uncles brought maybe one small thing for each. So we each left our big family get-togethers with two – three smallish presents….and thought it was awesome! It wasn’t overwhelming like it is now. My kids get as much, if not more, at my inlaws’ Christmas as they do from us and Santa combined. We can’t even take it all home sometimes and have to make a separate trip. I think my sister-in-law is starting to get on board though. 🙂
Couldn’t agree more with everything in this article. I say this all the time. Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!
I’m giving both my daughter and son in law a membership to AAA this year. They are both on the road for their jobs.
Nursing homes have many people who are lonely & forgotten. Get some gifts for these people & take your family to deliver them to the individual persons. Then, during the year go back to read, write letters, or just spend time with them.
Mary. Another wonderful and thoughtful idea….I am a volunteer Red Cross driver…there are many alone at Christmas/Holiday times…..all they want is someone to spend a bit of time with them. The best gift ever….your time….for lonely souls……God bless ….?❤️?
I have one son and am a single mom, so I wish I had your problem. I’m looking forward to Christmas and watching my son’s excitement in receiving things on his list. They are “things,” I know, but I remember getting excited over “things,” too. Memberships to things can be super costly for others (again, I wish I had that problem). I’m also not picky about what he gets, as long as he’s happy. And furthermore, I don’t think there is anything wrong with people purchasing things for him and having a sense of pride themselves. I actually am happy thinking they would. ?
You have a lot of good points. Please really consider this point as well. I think one of the biggest problems is that people have forgotten what a “gift” is. A “gift” is something someone wants to give you. Not something you wanted. It’s something someone chose for you. When you start telling people what you want or could use more, you take away the meaning of a “gift”. To add to this point, teach your children to be thankful for whatever they were given…whether it’s something they wanted or not! It’s a “gift” if someone thought of you. Our spoiled world has forgotten that a “gift” isn’t what you always want, sometimes it is and some times it isn’t. You will always warm a heart of the person giving the gift if you love the special “gift” they gave you or your children even if it’s not what you wanted. We hope you and your family truly enjoy this holiday season especially for the reason of the season.
I’m the grandmother of 1 little girl. She is the light of my life. I waited a long time to get to be a Memaw and I so enjoy spoiling her. Since I live far away from her, I like her to have “things” that she enjoys. We buy dance lessons and gymnastic classes for her birthday, but, when it comes to Christmas, I love to see the joy in her eyes when she’s opening gifts. I understand that you want to teach her the religious part of Christmas and the “giving” aspect. But, please don’t take away the joy I get from giving her presents!
A gift is something someone wants to give you…and if the giver doesn’t realize how much of a burden your gifts can become, we think surely if this person only realized the impact of what they are doing and that it is negative rather than positive, they would make a different choice. So this article is letting you know that. If you are giving a gift to show love, then you’ll jump on it. But if you are giving a gift because it makes you feel good—well that’s where she started in the article. Please reconsider.
Great article! YES we have too much stuff!! And yet some don’t have much at all..Im a grandmother and love giving gifts. I’m sure I don’t always know what gift to give that is the most practical, yet fun! Being a grandparent your finally in a position to buy some of those not so practical yet fun gifts that you couldn’t get your own kids. Suggestion: maybe instead of taking away the gift giving ask extended family to draw names to lighten the burden on everyone and then for grandparents ask that they buy that one or two special gifts your kids would be so excited to get. Sometimes people on fixed incomes can find an extraordinary gift at a phenomenal price. Where as dance lessons etc may come at more of a cost. So the amazing position you are in since you have too much stuff, is have your kids go to the dollar tree, pick out several real pretty Christmas bags, then let them enjoy going through their closet and bundling up gift bags full of sweet treasures for children who would be elated to receive! Then grandparents can be grandparents and many other little ones will be smiling too 🙂
I feel ya. I have 4 girls. They are the youngest of 8 grandchildren. 7 of which are girls. We truly have ALL the stuff. Many things in duplicate. I DREAD holidays and birthdays. So much stuff everywhere. Not only can they not find something they want to play with because it’s overwhelming, they don’t appreciate what they do have (i.e. take care of it as well as I think they should). We pick things for our homeschooling classroom that they want or games/movies for the family to enjoy together. Last year we also got things for updating their room that they needed already like new bedspreads and such.
“coffee and Jesus” YES! Great reminder!
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