It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
Love how you throw grandparents under the bus here. I agree with the “too much stuff” issue ( after all, we all have too much stuff) but perhaps you could come at it from a different angle. I hope your children’s relatives don’t put themselves out to buy for your children.
Wow, so many people commenting didn’t get the point of this post at all.
“Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Over-gifting is wasteful, and like your situation, can be burdensome. I’m only pregnant and already dreading all the stuff. ‘Let grandparents have their fun and just be grateful for what you get’ does not help the over-consumption problem. Plus if people give less stuff, then they don’t have to be butthurt when you’ve gotten rid of the stuff they give you.
Really good ideas however, here in Wyoming many of those options are not available! I would love ideas for those of us that live in more rural areas- we don’t have access to the big museums, activities or trips :/
An e-reader like the kindle, and a membership to a public library that now also offer ebooks and e audio books. I’m in remote places a lot but never out of books, and don’t need to drag a heavy load around with me, just that slim little kindle with the books for free
This is just sad. Really, we have to much “stuff” so instead buy us movies, memberships to this place or that place. Just keep spoiling the kids but just in a different way so it doesn’t mess up my house, is basically what you are saying. Why not, teach your kids a lesson and say anything we get is going to kids who need it because we are so fortunate, take it to a local charity where the kids aren’t showered with gifts.
We have spoiled kids in America because their parents are spoiled!
I’m sorry, do we never see the people again who gave the gifts? I can’t just get rid of them. If you want to donate, donate–I’m not going to let you choose a gift for my child, spend money on it, give it to them, and then take it away and give it to someone else. Wouldn’t that be way more disrespectful and unloving?
But this is important because I get this sense all the time–it’s actually NOT just parents asking for a house not to be messed up. Developmentally, kids are even less capable of adults of keeping things organized and living with clutter raises everyone’s stress level, including kids. They don’t enjoy being constantly tasked with picking up and cleaning up their rooms, nor do they enjoy constantly hearing mommy say, I will (play with you, read to you, come see what you built) just let me finish this. Nor do they enjoy living in messes. (They like making them, but not living in them.) Of course they enjoy a toy for a few minutes. But they LOVE when I move all the toys to the basement and they can enjoy some clear, calm space. But they are kids, so that lasts for about 15 hours if it includes overnight, then we start all over again. And they remember their stuff once they get it! It’s theirs! I respect that! So please help us out and don’t give them more than any of us can handle! I’m fine with nothing at all. I’m fine with consumables like coloring books and bubbles. I’d RATHER see you spend your money on yourself in a way you will enjoy!! And I’d like the support in teaching my kids to appreciate what they have and not take it for granted. With sheer volume, this becomes impossible. They *will* take it for granted because experience tells them there is always more on it’s way!
If movie tickets, amusement park passes, etc., sounds like a miserable Christmas to you, you may be part of the problem of why (some) kids are the way they are these days. Those “wall to wall presents” you received when you were a kid are sitting in a landfill somewhere, along with the other plastic crap that children open and toss aside every year. Childrens charities generally want new, unopened toys. Give them a summer full of zoo or amusement park memories, Sunday matinees, or music lessons, and you have given them a lifetime of wonderful memories, rather than a toy they won’t even remember they have 3 months after Christmas.
YES! ^^^^
If you’re worried about missing out having “presents to open”…whenever I give a gift card I try to give a little something tangible to go with it. I got my older nephew a gift card to a sporting goods store to buy fishing supplies, but I wrapped it up with a package of those Goldfish crackers…it made him smile, and gave him something to unwrap. You can buy tickets to the movies and wrap a single package of popcorn. These things don’t add clutter to the house. I think almost everybody appreciates having a little something to unwrap.
I have 5 grandchildren ages 2-10. I give them money for their bank accounts (or parents can purchase items they NEED) & a small gift, usually a book or crafty item or clothes (the girls love tutus), for Christmas & birthdays. I agree with you that they all have more than enough stuff.
Adult children usually get gift cards for dinner & a movie. Gift giving HS never been so easy.
We are also tired of STUFF … !!! We do money, eat out gift cards, ITunes, for the Grandkids and that’s it After 39 years of being married I do not want anymore stuff. If it can’t be used up quickly or not gather dust we do not buy it… Our whole family is happier and much relieved.
I understand having too much stuff. My kids are grown and moved out, but left their STUFF behind “until they can get esrablished”, and I have stuff from my parents’ estate, which, because of grief, I haven’t been able to let go of yet. However, we home schooled too, and I never made my children give up their Christmas to give to others at the expense of no gifts for themselves. Our family ENJOYS opening gifts, one at a time, on Christmas Day for hours. We chose to keep the expense down by limiting gifts to three per child, and keeping the dollar value of the three gifts the same. Now that the kids are grown, and we have grandchildren, we LOVE to give our 3 year old grandson toys (and clothes, but he doesn’t get excited about clothes). I carefully choose toys that his mother has indicated he would like. It fills my heart with joy when I hear he is still playing with them months later, and they are his FAVORITE. As homeschoolers, we also learned that toys are invaluable for some childhood development. Fine motor coordination for younger ones, mind building strategy games for older kids, etc. Play is necessary for good growth, and one doesn’t get that from iTunes or electronics or food gift certificates. While savings bonds may be a good choice for the parents, children won’t appreciate them. Personally, I don’t like to receive gift certificates in any form because I forget to use them, or have no time to use them, or they were for stores I don’t frequent. I have a wallet stuffed with Starbucks cards, and I avoid Starbucks. To me, gift cards are the lazy man’s way of gift giving, as little thought goes into getting that “special” gift. With a large family, we have begun drawing names for stockings with a price limit, so each stocking is stuffed uniquely, instead of mass-filled with the same stuff. Because almost every member of our family has different dietary limitations, no edible gifts are encouraged. Since my kids are grown, we do pick from Amazon wish lists. With children scattered across the United States, with access to different shopping options, it makes the purchasing easier. We will be traveling for Christmas for the first time, and must deal with airline baggage fees. We may order our gifts online and have then delivered to the destination for free, and wrap them after we arrive, but we will have gifts to open under the tree. FYI: Rotating children’s toys works. I cleaned our my grandson’s toy area while I was there helping with his newborn sister. He saw his long-forgotten puzzles, and started playing with them again. Now they are his favorite toys, and puzzles are on his wish list for this year.
Great point and suggestions! Thank you for sharing. I’d add theater tickets to your list of suggestions even for kids.
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