It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
This year we are doing a family trip to a log house (14 of us). I will still give all the grandkids the traditional Christmas jammies. 🙂 In the last few years we have done the museum or zoo membership thing. Lasts throughout the whole year.
I totally understand the problem of having alot of “stuff” of the children. But it is their “stuff”. I do feel like this is more a mommy problem. The children need to be taught the art of receiving and giving gifts of course. But so do the parents. People give to your children out of the goodness of their hearts and the spirit of the holiday season. Parents, in my opinion, need to learn the same. It is about the children, not you. They love to receive and open their gifts. That’s what all the excitement is about. Accept the gifts in the spirit they were given. When they no longer play with them, donate them to a women’s shelter or similar needy place that would love to have them. I agree, you have some great alternate ideas. But since when has it become polite to dictate what someone else will give you. I think it is in poor taste and sounds unappreciative and controlling. Let the children enjoy and love Christmas without controlling it from behind the scenes.
Actually my children have a really hard time with the hype about gifts and the influx of gifts. They do not enjoy opening so many but are pressured to keep opening even when they are done. And it does not take many gifts to become “done.” Come on! We have all seen this in little kids. They get overstimulated. Too much is too much! And it often is way short of what a month or two of Christmas shopping on the part of loving gift-givers has set in front of them. As a parent, I want to be able to give my child a magical christmas. I understand that’s what grandparents want, too. But I’m the parent and it’s up to me to set boundaries. Maybe try to understand that what seems to you as controlling is not for the reasons you think. I’m setting some boundaries to both keep Christmas magical, protect their sensibility and ability to appreciate gifts, and thinking of the long run and the environment in which they are living and the longer term problem of clutter and overstimulation. Let’s not forget that we’re all in this spot because of advertising over the course of fifty years. There is no necessary correlation between love, joy, and wrapping paper!
A Friendly life suggestion. Since the writer included ‘grandparents’ in this article, this grandma has a voice. My thoughts: I’m hearing what she wrote…but questioning how much she follows her advice herself. My thinking is simple…Add a toy??? Subtract a toy! Why are you keeping four sets of toy ‘keys’ in the first place? As a Grandma I believe: Presence…has always been better than ‘presents’. Adventure trips…better than ‘things’. ‘Free fun’ is still out there! Last Surprises, are better than expecting to be ‘given things’. My generation looks at this article very different. My way of thinking has also got me into serious trouble. I was raised by parents who lived through the depression. I don’t believe I was raised poorly nor my children raised poorly by me to always desire the concept of more. Yet, somehow my giving ‘enough’ is never ‘enough’ and boundaries are looked at as being crossed. If the ‘givings’ the writer desires be given, then teach the child that one thing is all they get for the year! Unwinding what society said people want verses truly need is the web of life we are caught in! I believe I was a first to refuse to BUY a trophy for my child…I was told ‘he will be the only one to not get one’. Society does not rule me. The writer wants to take a stand against too much stuff, yet she wants something quite a lot bigger given to ‘her’ for herself and then for ‘her’ children! It is still the thinking concept of more of something else makes us happy! Unhurried time is the best gift to give anyone! Continue to allow God to direct you be the best mom you can!
I, as a grandmother, agree with you. Let’s change the mindset….you do not “deserve”anything…..appreciate what is given to you……holidays are much about nothing……let’s be spontaneous with gift-giving and adventures! There is actually teaching in the Bible not to observe special days and seasons as the pagans do.
I totally agree with Audrey and Gail. I too am a grandmother. I enjoy giving at Christmas and try to get ideas from my daughter for gifts. Christmas is the time for giving and sharing. I think the writer and a lot of others have forgotten this.
I don’t think the writer is truly being unkind and ungracious, and I don’t think the article was aimed solely at grandparents, though I can see how it can come across that way. I do think that the grandparents’ generation experienced different things, one of which was the quality and usability of the gifts they received vs. the cheapness (i.e., flimsy plastic vs. wood or lead-filled-painted stuff from China vs. something YOUR grandparents made that would last).
In Florida, we don’t have much storage space at all. Being close to sea level, very few people have basements and although we do have attics, the heat of our summer months will destroy pretty much everything except Christmas decorations. 😛
I also don’t think the writer is saying that grandparents should not get gifts for their grandchildren, but maybe just pause and make sure it is what you really want to give them. Your generation didn’t have the excessive advertising that this generation of kids has. Millions of dollars are spent on studies to see how companies can guilt or entice grandparents to spend money on their grandchildren.
Spending money on them is by NO MEANS a bad thing, but psychology shows that we don’t value things that we have too many of. Case in point: a doctor friend said that he had three Hot Wheels cars when he was a kid. That’s all they could afford. He cherished those so much. His son has more than 300, and doesn’t care about them much at all.
I think, and I could be wrong, that the point of the article is more along the lines of “just because we CAN buy a bunch of stuff doesn’t necessarily mean we SHOULD.” And that’s not ungrateful. It is simply looking at character building and the reality of space available. I don’t know what kind of house the author lives in, but as I am the 3rd of 7 kids, we had to share rooms. There simply was not space to store tons of toys. If the writer has a 3 br, 2 bath house that is so typical these days, I totally understand the space issue. I don’t think she’s ungrateful.
If she is anything like me, she feels somewhat guilty getting rid of things her children have received as gifts, hence the four different sets of keys in the picture.
My kids received Christmas gifts from us (parents), grandparents, neighbors, neighbor kids, church people, and even our FedEx driver. I cut back over and over and over, but being a new parent, I didn’t exactly know what I was doing, either, so I try to cut younger parents a lot of slack.
This has been a good discussion. Thank you to all who have written for sharing your hearts in a civil and helpful way.
Give a gift of travel. We purchase airline gift cards (online) for our grown children and granddaughters, so they can enjoy a lifetime of wonderful memories of family vacations. It’s exciting to watch Mom & dad and the girls choose and plan their trip that they may not otherwise be able to afford. Disney also sells gift cards online and you can have them mailed directly to the children or grandchildren. None of these gift cards expire and I keep a folder with copies of the gift cards, in case they should get misplaced in a busy, young family household.
I put my son’s toys in large bins. Every week we rotate out/in the bins so there are only 2 bins of toys out at a time. Legos in one, wooden blocks in another, matchbox cars, large vehicles, fire trucks, … Each in a separate bin. I never ever allow toys in his room. Bedrooms are for sleeping and quiet activities, like reading. My son is really creative, combining the bin contents in some new way. Cleanup is easy – just 2 bins’ worth. I work from home, homeschooling. My son is never bored or overwhelmed.
Every year in the Fall, we would have a garage sale and my kids would gather up toys they no longer played with. The money earned from the garage sale would pay for tickets to an amusement park or go toward a game system they wanted( because Santa does not bring electronics!) and they looked forward to this and it greatly reduced clutter. Sometimes we would also donate toys to kids who were less fortunate.
Last year we decided EARLY that we would make our gifts for each other. They still got some purchased gifts from mom & dad, one of which was an event (professional dance performance, baseball game, gymnastics competition, day at children’s museum an hour away). We made: Lego carrying case from pencil box, doll clothing, bean bag toss spinning bullseye, bookmarks, hand drawn art-lovingly framed, gourmet hot chocolate mix, brooch, upcycled nightstand and pencil jar. The kids were way more excited to see the recipient’s reaction to their time-intensive gift than they were in getting stuff. We had a peaceful non-competitive season. (Note: clear your schedule to allow time for this. It was rewarding, but mom & dad did a lot of sanding, painting & sewing to help the givers along)
Also, to help with holidays — I tell my girls that because we are so fortunate and they have Mommy and Daddy and lots of family members who buy for them, that I’ve asked Santa to put them on an extra special list. The special list is where they fill out their “wish list” to the poem “Something you want, something you need, something you wear, something to read” and instead of getting tons of gifts, they get really nice ones from Santa. Everything else is from mom and dad and is just extra! Works for us! 🙂
Thanks for an informative blog. I actually am going to use some of your gift ideas. I chringe when I see anyone recommend Starbucks. The owner hates Christ and Christians! Google the comments he has made about not caring what we think and telling Christians that he does NOT care or want their business. Thanks.
Everything, every word you said has hit home! I’d much rather buy my children at lest one item they very much so want just one… (3 children I have). And then take them to an indoor water park. They love swimming so why not swim in indoor park during the cold months.
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