It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
Shopping for worthless stuff has become way too easy. Rather than showering your friends and family with whatever you can find in the clearance aisle, pick something that will really enrich their lives. As an added bonus you’ll avoid getting the stink-eye from a tired mama who can’t stand the thought of ONE MORE TOY.
Check out the 40 Non-Toy Gift list for even more ideas!
An added bonus for the zoo membership is 50% off at AZA zoos across the country. My daughter loves the zoo and when we go on our family vacations around the country we always go to the local zoo. Example: went to Clearwater, FL for vacation and went to the Lowry Zoo in Tampa (rated #1 in the country) for $32 for our family. It also works for day trips…Zoo Atlanta and Knoxville Zoo are on the list. Love our Chattanooga Zoo and our membership!!
My 2 granddaughters have birthdays in January so it’s doubly difficult to come up with meaningful gifts. Last yeari gave the9 year old $100 and a world visions catalogue. $20 was for her personal use and the rest was to purchasea gift to give from the catalog. I had talked to her about it in advance and she liked the idea. She ended up buying water filters and books, which she loves, for 3rd world children. May do it again this year! Also have2 year old twin grandsons. To solve party of the problemi don’t buy doubles unless it’s clothes or Thomas the Tank items
So many people have missed the point of what the author was trying to say. She is not ungrateful for the people who want to buy her and her family gifts. The suggestions she has offered have been when people asked what to get them.
For the people staying that these things are expensive, I think she was assuming the giver would combine the gifts. For example, my sister & her husband have 4 children. Rather than buying the 6 of them gifts that they won’t use, I could combine their gift (spending the same amount) and give them a year’s worth of zoo fun (something my nephews and niece have enjoyed since they were babies).
The author wasn’t being ungrateful for people’s thoughtfulness, merely suggesting things that would last longer which it seems the gift giver asked for suggestions.
Also, the author stated that the family does donate things to the less fortunate. And another commenter is correct, many charities (toys for tots) ask for the gifts to be new and unwrapped when donating.
II would much rather give the children in my life things that could be used for the entire year vs a toy that they just had to have that’s forgotten in two days.
I’m not saying not to buy the children toys but there has to be a line drawn (I’ve seen the over-purchasing of gifts and while it may be fun for a moment, they ultimately are cast aside). That’s all the author was saying. She wasn’t trying to be a grinch and take her kids’ fun away.
I’m a new mom myself and I will definitely be making the same suggestions. And for all the negative people, it’s her opinion…if you don’t like it, then don’t use it!
Oh so true! I thoroughly enjoyed your article, you made superb points!
Keep talking . We can’t here you. lol Grandma’s everywhere are not listening.Let us give
I love this. Connecting time is such a great gift.
For adults, have you heard of Trades of Hope? We provide jobs for women in 16 countries around the world and are part of empowering them out of poverty. They create beautiful bags, jewelry, home decor, and more!
My site is http://www.giftsthatempower.com if you’d like tho help spread the word!
Love this! Mom of four boys too, and yes I’m exhausted too, no I’m not going to try for that girl, yes I have my hands full… but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Four blessings ?
I hope you have a relaxing holiday season this year!
We have gone to regifting and using Amazon.com. You can post a gift list with very specific items which are shipped for free if they are on the Prime list. Regifting is good because it forces you to really consider if the person will use the item. if not, we get rid of it or donate it
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YES! We just moved & my 4 year old daughter had a small box of toys for about 6 weeks while we boxed & stored things in preparation. It was AMAZING! She & I didn’t fight as much. The house was kept tidy. I saw her using her imagination so much more. We engaged with each other. I have made a promise to not unbound most of the toys. We’re donating them & my daughter is onboard. She doesn’t like being overwhelmed any more than I do.
YES this is SO TRUE!!!!
Do we have too much? Yes. Is it okay to tell people what to buy, when, how much, not to buy or what instead? Only if they ask. If it gives someone joy to give, let them. Be grateful. Stop mentally giving people your registry. If our kids have too much, it’s probably because we gave it to them.
This is a huge miscommunication that is made really hard to undo because of etiquette. As a parent it could totally sound like I’m giving someone my registry. In fact, I’m just working within the bounds that you are going to spend money, because you’ve made that clear. I’ve expressed my reasons of why I’d like to keep Christmas simpler. But that falls on deaf ears. So I’m trying to keep it positive by making suggestions that will enable you to still do the giving of the magnitude you want to do and not go against what I’m OK with my child having. I’d rather do that than say, please do not give them electronics; we are struggling with screen time and do not wish them to have individual electronics yet. Please do not give them play sets that glorify violent role playing but that toy makers have convinced us is mainstream and normal (and which you bought for your own kids so you also think is fine); we have a lot of that already and really do not want to perpetuate it. Please do not give them the books you keep buying them which are also just about fighting and smashing things and taking revenge; these are not the values we wish to teach them.
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