It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
I really could not agree more, however, when our 5 children were small my parents, especially, my mother were prone to overbuy those small,useless, underused toys and STUFF. Knowing mom did not have much money I let her do it with no complaint, I knew neither if my parents would live to see my children into adulthood, I just did not want to take away this small joy. Both parents died of cancer before my oldest was 10. I always clear away a lot of stuff before Christmas and let the kids help choose what goes. As they have gotten older they give without being told. I remember needing jeans for my first four (boys) but I knew mom would show up with 6 smaller items instead which is OK, I CV taught them the value of stuff verses hurting feelings, thx
l totally agree. My mother would put money into an account for all of the grandkids. She would give each child an envelop on Christmas that showed how much she had deposited into their account and the value of account at that point in time. Kids didn’t always understand what a great gift it was then, but ask my daughter now, who graduated last year from college and was able to use that money to offset most of her college debt, just how WONDERFUL it was. Kids get so much stuff that they don’t get to enjoy hardly any of it. Open gift, throw in pile, open gift, throw in pile. We are giving magazine subscriptions to nieces and nephews this year so they can enjoy throughout the year.
Too many toys in our house finally inspired me to write my children’s books about The Underground Toy Society. Toys help toys in need find new homes when there are too many toys in the house or the toys are outgrown or forgotten.
Instead of spending money on each other, how about planning an outing with your extended family and going “Dutch Treat”? A day at the children’s museum together. An afternoon sledding or at the skating rink. Taking an older child to a play or to a paint a pot or plate place or whatever. Maybe planning a family morning of giving and working together at a local charity and then converging at home for a SIMPLE meal of sandwiches and brownies.
Sometimes the holidays feel like such a financial obligation. I would enjoy it more if it were time spent together, a memory made.
Me too!! By far. And it would enrich the kids lives so much more than another toy!
As a divorced mom of 2 little ones and always short of money, my children needed clothing! They were quite happy receiving new Christmas jammies, the one present they got to open Christmas eve, clothing and a pair of new shoes if thew were growing out of theirs. A special toy or item they had asked Santa for was also included. With our own little Christmas, another with their dad”s family, and then one with all of mine, they got plenty of toys. We passed along clothing and toys to the younger children in the family or to friends with younger children.
We did the same thing for birthdays. And my kids always welcomed gently used items from other family and friends. They learned early about the benefit of shopping sales. Gift cards weren’t the norm back then but they still got to go to movies occasionally, the local kiddie park for rides, skating rink, caverns, parks, and camping! They may not have had everything their little hearts desired, but they were loved, happy and healthy.
Oh my goodness!!! This is a breath of fresh air! I feel EXACTLY the same way every year! I have three boys and our house is 1800 sq feet. 5 people in 1800 sq feet? I love your gift suggestions for kids. I make the same suggestions to grandparents every year and we still get “stuff” in addition to said suggestions. Thank you for this article, my exact sentiments! Oddly enough I’m sitting in a Sleep Inn in Chattanooga (we live in Nashville) reading this over breakfast, on our way to a swim meet?
Maybe you could take all of the toys your kids don’t use anymore and donate them to charity and make room for new gifts. Teach them about giving and make room. That way you don’t offend any family or friends that just love your child and like to see them happy on Christmas.
I agree with Mom of 3 above, Christmas is our special day. I never bought my kids gifts during the year. Ask them! Christmas was the day they got those wish lists, but I also wrapped socks, underwear, and toiletries. One time I filled all of their Stockings with the gifts I had gifted to Samaratan’s Purse instead. They still laugh about that. And yes they have all grown up to be loving, giving adults. Let Kids have their Christmas in Moderation and remind them whose birthday it really is!!
I want to give a shout out the wonderful grandparents in our lives, my mom and in-laws. My mom gives each child one gift and in exchange asks us to buy a gift for same aged needy children and donate as our gift to her. My in-laws have always kept it simple, just 3 or 4 gifts the kids want, usually including something to wear, something to read, something for fun, and a game or something to make. The best thing they do is spend one day each to bake Christmas cookies and TG pies with the kids, which really takes the pressure of the holidays off me and my husband. Even as teens, the kids love pie day and cookie day with Gma and Gpa.
For my son it might be a lifetime fishing license, zoo membership, gun safety/shooting lessons, etc.
Great idea!
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