It’s Halloween, which means the holiday season is upon us!
I’m going to take this opportunity to say something that may anger some of you – particularly those of you who may or may not be grandparents or extended family to precious little children that you are looking forward to showering with many, many wrapped and bow-topped items over the coming weeks. I say this not to hurt your feelings, but to let you know something that a lot of us mamas (although certainly not all) are feeling this time of year.
You ready?
Put down whatever it is you are about to buy our children.
Put. It. Down.
Did you do it? Did you put it down?
Now. Ask yourself this very important question: “Am I buying this because it is useful and long-lasting? Or am I buying this because it makes me feel good and will make this child excited for a few minutes?”
Because if the answer is that you are buying that gift because it makes YOU feel good, we don’t want it.
I have four children, y’all. All boys. By the time you get down the line to the fourth boy, you have ALL OF THE THINGS. All of them. Honestly, there is not one toy, book, or other non-consumable item you could buy my fourth boy that we don’t already have. The only exception is blue jeans and tennis shoes because those actually do wear out (so if you want to buy my youngest little snowflake something for Christmas, make it jeans or shoes – sizes 18mos and 5T. Thank you.).
We have become a culture obsessed with stuff. Our homes are overrun with stuff…shoot, even our cars are filled with stuff! One estimate is that the average American home has over 300,000 items. Our homes have tripled in size over the last 50 years, yet our families are smaller. We are buying bigger and bigger houses for our THINGS rather than our PEOPLE. Even the poorest among us are drowning in stuff because when those who are the wealthier among us get tired of their stuff (or need room for more stuff), they pass it along to the local thrift store.
Every year since I’ve had children I’ve looked forward to the holiday season less and less. Our calendars are bursting at the seams and hanging over my head is the knowledge that on top of all the things I am constantly moving, picking up, washing, cleaning, sorting, and tripping over, we are about to get even MORE. We will go to celebration after celebration where everyone feels like they need to give my kids something. More often than not, it is something that they love for a day or two – a week at most – and then it is tossed aside for me to clean, pick up, wash, or find a new home for (or nag my kids about doing the above). Christmas isn’t fun anymore. It’s work. It’s stress. It’s mess and clutter and chaos.
Now, I know what you might be thinking. “This sounds like a personal problem and she just needs to relax/make her kids pick up after themselves/be thankful that people want to buy them things/etc.”
I have relaxed significantly over the years (ask my husband). I do make my kids pick up after themselves. I am thankful that people love my kids and want to buy them gifts.
But…
We have too much. We have so much that my kids stand in a room filled with toys and can’t figure out what to play with. Heck, I stand in their rooms filled with stuff and can’t figure out what they should play with. There are too many choices!
So, my dear friends, allow me to suggest some ways to share the holiday spirit without buying stuff:
For kids:
- Memberships to a zoo, museum, aquarium, or other local spot. Chattanooga has several locations that offer discounted family passes, including the Children’s Discovery Museum, Chattanooga Zoo, Tennessee Aquarium, and Rock City. Especially for younger kids, who may not understand why they’re “just” getting tickets, grab a couple of items that show the fun things they’ll get to see when they go. For example, a stuffed monkey to take to the zoo, a book about sharks to get ready for the aquarium, or a science journal and pen for the children’s museum.
- Give a day, a month, or a year at High Point Climbing Gym.
- Pay for classes! Whether the recipient is a fan of dance, martial arts, computers, Legos, or cooking, there are classes available. My guess is that the mom of a bunch of kids would love to be able to take her kids to classes like these, but can’t afford it (just a hunch).
- A monthly subscription, such as Kiwi Crate. My mom bought my older boys subscriptions to Tinker Crate (for my oldest) and Kiwi Crate (for my #2) and they LOVED them. Although we’ve not had an active subscription since last spring, they frequently ask when we can get crates again. Whether the kiddo in your life likes art, crafts, building, or pretend play these boxes are fantastic for ages 3-14. This is definitely a gift that will make kids AND parents happy!
- Movie gift cards. We’re a family of six. SIX. Remember your last trip to the movies? Remember how expensive it was? Now multiply that by six. Yeah. We don’t go to the movies often. A great gift for a kid are the funds to go to a movie and the right to pick the flick! Give a gift certificate to a theater, some Dollar Store boxes of candy, a couple of sodas (for the special occasion only!) and instructions that only the recipient gets to pick the movie.
For the grownups:
- For the adults in your life, why not pay for a visit with a personal trainer? If you’re in the Chattanooga Area, call the Hamilton YMCA and request me! I’m a personal trainer who would be happy to be given as a Christmas gift. From making you feel more comfortable with gym equipment, to providing a workout and/or nutrition plan, to just being your workout buddy for a while, a personal trainer is an awesome and affordable option ($40 for an hour, or gather your friends for a small group session at a discounted rate).
- For your girlfriends, plan a paint night or attend a workshop. Last year, my friends and I had a soap-making party at For the Love of Suds in Kingsport, TN rather than exchanging gifts. We brought wine and food and spent the night learning to make bath goodies that we then got to take home! We had a great time, learned something new, and went home with something we would use. There are studios in Chattanooga that offer paint nights and private parties, and Wine Down in Ooltewah does a monthly wine and paint.
- Coffee or restaurant gift cards, especially for the parents in your life! My husband and I run on caffeine and Jesus. Jesus is free, Starbucks is not. I genuinely cannot think of a better gift than a Starbucks gift card. As for restaurants, if it’s not Chick-fil-A, the hubs and I don’t get to enjoy it together. So how about a restaurant gift card and an offer to babysit?
Shopping for worthless stuff has become way too easy. Rather than showering your friends and family with whatever you can find in the clearance aisle, pick something that will really enrich their lives. As an added bonus you’ll avoid getting the stink-eye from a tired mama who can’t stand the thought of ONE MORE TOY.
Check out the 40 Non-Toy Gift list for even more ideas!
I’ve been saying this for years; asking for family members for these ideas for years; and dreading the holidays since my kids were old enough to understand what it means. Compounded by the fact that my kids had 4 sets of grandparents and 6 sets of great grand parents often found us leaving a party with (NO JOKE!) a pickup truck full of toys for 3 kids. I often sent the kids to bed and took the new, unopened toys and set at least 1/2 aside to donate at toys for tots or to gift off to other children & friends throughout the year. Luckily as my kids have gotten older it has gotten better but I am all about gifting experiences but honestly it is often cheaper and easier to just buy more toys…. and I get that. I try to remember that these years wont last forever and family members are trying to make the holidays wonderful for us all.
This definitely reads as a mom who sees and deals with too much stuff….It’s not about you. You want them to have jeans and you don’t want to pay for the movies. I understand not taking the Christ out of Christmas but don’t deny your kids and people who do enjoy buying presents their happiness because you see it as stuff and it inconveniences you. My MIL enjoys giving baby dolls… I can’t stand baby dolls but it makes her happy to pick a pretty one and give it to a little girl because she never had one growing up. I let her give my daughter dolls. It means a lot to her and I need to put myself aside.
My last post was deleted. I’m sorry if I offended you but maybe you should spend some time volunteering, donating to charity and learning about the spirit of giving. Your list of expensive gift ideas is ludicrous.
The author does not have the access to delete comments only the administrator. CMB does not allow name-calling or attacks on the author. If you have a difference in opinion that is fine, but stating false comments about her will not be allowed. If you are purchasing gifts for a family of 6, one membership would be less than that cost. That obviously varies from parts of the country, but we live in the southeast where the cost of living may be less than other areas.
Different people spend different amounts. Some grandparents have a lot of money to spend and are going to spend it.
I read this original post and subsequent replies with great interest and pleasure. In the UK many 3rd World charities operate a ‘gift for life’ scheme, where an amount is sent to the charity, and your recipient simply receives a thank you card, explaining that they have provided, for example, school supplies, or bee-hives, or a water-well, a goat, or chickens, for an underprivileged family in, say Africa or elsewhere. Kids love the idea of getting a goat for Christmas, especially if it’s for someone less fortunate than themselves.
Yes!! I’m telling our family no toys this year. We also have 4 boys (and 1 girl) and don’t have any room for another Thomas the train, batman figure, transformer or lego!! They’re getting stuff they can use like monogrammed beach towels, fishing poles for when we camp, ice skates etc…. love this article!
I am seriously by no means trying to be rude at all… Please don’t take offense.. I am just wondering what exactly is too much stuff? This will be my daughters 2nd Christmas, she will be 1 December 4th. I wish I could get her more things than the 4 little things that I still haven’t payed off in walmarts seasonal layaway. We don’t have alot of family that actually cares.. We are not well off at all… I think it would be nice if someone wanted to buy my daughter some things… She deserves so much more than we can afford. I guess its a situational thing.
Yes, certainly a first world problem when we complain about having too much! Christmas is all about a special family day, put some tinsel around the house and a nice meal and a play at the park and she’ll love it, especially at her age. We all want more for our kids but going into debt to give her gifts won’t be appreciated by her and will just stress you out. If she has a happy mum and dad she’s got more than a lot of kids out there, regardless of how many trinkets they have – have a lovely Christmas!
Dear Britt, growing up, after my dad left, we were very poor (but I didn’t realize it then) and had no relatives giving gifts. We didn’t have many toys, but we always got something small that we really wanted for Christmas. I had 2 little dolls I loved and waited for and took them everywhere with me. We made pretend fishing rods with sticks we found in the wood and would tie string to them when we were older. My dolls came along. We really had a lot of fun imaginary play especially outside. I remember when we got a portable chalkboard and how much fun we had with that-playing games, playing school, guessing drawing games, tic tac toe, hangman, etc. I never realize how poor we were. We lived in a house that was so cold and old that we all slept in one room in the winter and ran to the one bathroom and back. We thought it was fun! From my experience, I’d say the best gift you can give your daughter is another sibling if that is in your plan. 🙂 Do not worry about her not having enough things. Visit the library each week for a stack of beautiful picture books and activites, and when she is older, you can borrow sweet movies there. Look on craigslist or gently used stores for toys that will allow her to build and create-like blocks and later Lego type bricks and a few pretty and comfortable clothes. Try out different types of art supplies – crayons, paint, chalk…Have fun! All she really needs is love and an outlet for creativity.
summer passes for a nearby waterpark, ballet clothing she wanted but mom couldn’t afford, swim lessons, were all appreciated by my various aged grandchildren from infant to 13. Gifts that kept on giving- days at the waterpark they otherwise would not have gotten to, swim lessons a skill for life, ballet clothes that were worn for a whole year of lessons much better than legos to trip on! well loved by all and yes clothes the grandkids picked out that mom and dad would not normally splurge on! I remember with much love the fact that my MIL would buy snowsuits and winter jackets for mine when they were little They looked forward to Granma’s gift always wondering what color or style she would pick for them!
Well said. And…”Thank You”, I’d never heard of Kiwi Crate before – sounds like a great gift idea!!! (Ontario, Canada)
I love this idea! If I can only get the grandparents on board Christmas will be much more exciting for the Mommy! I have 4 boys as well (9,6,4 & 2) and normally when they open gifts I think things like “where can I hide that so that my 2 yo doesn’t choke on those pieces?” or “great that should make it to the bottom of the toy box within the next 10 minutes”. We have made a habit before Christmas each year of getting rid of unused toys and donating them which helps some but overall we have way too much junk. Wish me luck as I present some of your ideas to my children’s grandparents!
We have two teenage boys and we decided when they were toddlers that they would get three gifts each because Jesus received 3 gifts. That helped to minimize the craziness of the holiday gift frenzy.
Several years ago we decided that their birthdays would be the time for them to receive gifts but for Jesus’s birthday we would focus on giving to those in need because you are right – we don’t need any more stuff. But many families need essentials so that’s what we do for Christmas- focus on others need, not what we may ‘want’ temporarily.
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