Me, Myself, and Wine

I’m as guilty as any.

I love wine. A nice, large glass of cabernet or malbec at the end of a long, hard day of mommin’ is sometimes the only thing that gets me through. I love the rich flavors, the feeling of finally being able to relax, and doing something adult in the midst of a house overrun with children.

But (you knew there was a “but” coming)…

I’m worried.

I’m worried that our tendency to tell our friends “pour yourself a glass of wine, mama” is doing damage.

For those of us who have battled addiction, there is a fine line between using alcohol as something enjoyable and healthy and using it as a dangerous coping mechanism. While you may be able to have a single glass of wine to unwind, there are mamas out there who battle a demon telling them to drink the whole bottle. That mama may see your comment on her Facebook post as justification to pour that fourth glass. You may not know who that mama is. She may hide it well.

She may be asking for help.

One of the awesome things about the internet and social media is that we have this wonderful community of people who understand our lives. In our increasingly disconnected communities, we can go to Facebook or mom blogs and find women like us: women who are exhausted, overwhelmed, and desperate for some adult interaction. We can encourage each other, commiserate, and offer advice. Every single day I come across a Facebook post from a mama friend who is tired, frustrated, or just having a horrible day. Nine times out of ten, someone will comment, “start drinking!” or “pour yourself some wine, sister!” Sometimes that person commenting is me!

When I stop to think about it, though, this notion of drinking when we have a bad day is not healthy. It’s not helpful. It could be downright dangerous, as mentioned above, for those mamas who may struggle with addiction. I don’t want to be a killjoy, and I certainly don’t want to discourage wine consumption, but what if we tried something different?

What if, instead of “pour yourself some wine!” we said, “I’m sending over a pizza so you don’t have to cook dinner tonight.”

What if, instead of “start drinking!” we commented “I just sent you a Starbucks e-gift so you can load the kids up and go grab some coffee.”

What if we offered to keep the kids for a little while so that tired mama could take a nap or (for the love of all that is holy) a shower?

What if we wrote an encouraging note, showed up with a cup of tea, or made plans for a babysitting exchange?

Being a mom is hard – so hard – and trying to do it during a time when our communities are spread further and further apart makes it even harder. So let’s come together and lend a helping hand over a cup of coffee or a takeout pizza. Let’s really help each other instead of drowning our sorrows.