Never Have I Ever Parent (Of Teens) Edition

I saw this graphic for “never have I ever” things Moms may or may not have done for their kids and found “I have ever” done all of them! Had I reached the peak of parenthood and seen/heard/done it all? No, I’m convinced the bulk of social media kid things are geared towards Moms of kids before the tween years.

I think this could be because so many unspeakable, gross, unprepared for things happen in the tween years then increase in shock factor once they are teens. This is not meant to scare you about the teen years! It’s hilariously beautiful as kids grow into their personalities. In fact, it might very well be my favorite stage since you can leave the house without them, have grown up conversations (interrupted by jokes), and see them flourish in gifts that will be carried long into their future.

I am so thankful for moms who have been-there-done-that to empathize with when things that cannot be spoken about on the internet come up…goodness knows we are not alone! I have yet to be met with a “That’s never happened to me!” from a mom.

Here are some light-hearted “never have I ever” items for you to relate to if you have teens (boys, specifically, as I have no experience with teen girls yet!). Disclaimer for my own son’s sake of embarrassment, these were polled responses — not all have happened to me!

Never have I ever…

• Talked about poop at dinner
• Cried myself to sleep
• Found candy wrappers under a pillow
• Driven around to find my teen
• Embarrassed them by…everything
• Washed one pair of their underwear for a week’s worth of laundry
• Thought their new man voice was an intruder
• “Lost” their phone
• Deleted all my texts, because they are nosey
• Explained gas station novelty items
• Found male genital drawings…everywhere
• Been told I was “too old” for social media
• Run out of groceries in one day
• Had “the talk”
• Needed them for tech support
• Been called “bro”
• Fought them to wear a coat in cold weather
• Fought them to wear anything but sweatpants in hot weather
• Had a fight shopping for shorts
• Called my parents to apologize for how I treated them

I’ll make a new post in a few years when my girls are teens! Until then, I’ll hold onto “Never have I ever had to decide if crop tops were acceptable and had an internet mom fight about it.”

Moms of kids who will grow up someday: keep loving them through the weird. Pick your battles. Lower the bar of expectations (I promise they will be potty trained or at least aim towards the toilet before college). Here is some advice raising teens to tuck into your diaper bag for your next season!