Wow! That is one word to sum up this year — wow!
It is hard to believe that around this time last year I was writing about how I try hard to make time for every house around the holidays. This year, it is so different. Now, I don’t even know if we will be going to any house besides our own for Christmas.
While it makes me sad to think about not spending Christmas with our family and carrying on our normal holiday traditions, I am using this time to readjust my ideas for the new year. Usually, around this time, I would start thinking about the resolutions I wanted to make for the new year. However, with 2020 being what it has been, I am rethinking my idea of resolutions and, instead, going to use the first day of 2021 as a starting point to just taking advantage of the days I am given.
How is this different than making resolutions? Well, I am not going to write down:
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Lose weight
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Save money
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Eat better
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Exercise more
You know, the resolutions we make (and then break) year after year. Rather, my 2021 list is going to be a little more specific. For instance, it isn’t just going to be about exercising more and losing weight. Instead, it is going to be about putting certain things into action so that hopefully will be the outcome.
I want to start learning how to cook. Yes, I can make “the basics,” such as spaghetti, chicken nuggets, etc., but I have tools in my kitchen that basically look brand new because they have hardly been used. Quite frankly, I am scared of them! 2021 will be the year I conquer that fear because I am going to aim to cook at least three nights a week for my family and not just the “basic” meals. I want to try out one new recipe a week.
In addition to learning to cook, I want to start journaling again. Of course, my goal would be to write a little each day. However, I am going to aim for at least three days a week to start and build up to four or five days a week by the end of 2021. I want to start remembering these moments in life.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, one of the first things I thought about was everything I was going to miss if this diagnosis decided to be the end of me. Yet, I am starting to see this cancer not as a curse, but as a blessing. It has opened my eyes to what is truly important in life. I didn’t realize how much negativity I was holding onto on a day-to-day basis. Unfortunately, I was really letting things live “rent free” in my head that shouldn’t have been allowed. Not anymore!
I am not going to say I don’t have bad days anymore; I certainly do have my moments. But that is what I am trying to let them be: moments. Not bad days. Not bad weeks. Not even bad years. Just bad MOMENTS. Through journaling, I hope to realize that during bad moments you can still live really amazing days, and I don’t want to forget about them.
Finally, I want to start discovering “me” again. The day of my diagnosis was the day everything changed for me. It was the day my priorities changed, what I thought I wanted in life changed, etc. As a result, I have a lot of rediscovery to do and I am excited to get started!
I want to make it a point to start spending some time with myself every week, even if it is just once a week. I want to sit down with a cup of coffee and just be *me* for a few moments in complete silence. During this silence, I want to have conversations with myself about what I see and hope not just for the future, but for the present. Everything with me used to be, “I will get to it tomorrow. I will start tomorrow.” “Tomorrow” should have been my tagline.
We are not promised tomorrow. Seriously, we are not. It is just not a saying. No one is promised tomorrow. Certainly, my “tomorrows” could have been taken quite quickly if my diagnosis had come any later in time. Therefore, I want to take advantage of the present. I want to find out who I am and live my truth each day!
