Do It Scared

Hi, friends! In case you have not noticed, it has been a while since I have gotten to share with you all, and man, have I missed you ladies! You may be wondering where I have been. Well, amidst a pandemic and working full-time from home while wrangling my two little guys, I did a thing and enrolled in graduate school!

Crazy, huh? Yea, I know. I began this wild ride at the top of the year, and what an adventure it has already been.

“What on earth were you thinking?” might be the first question that comes to mind, and honestly it is something I have asked myself often since getting back into the swing of being a student. I have always known that I would return to school one day, but thought I would do so when my youngest child began kindergarten. I would tell myself that the present time is not the time because my boys are so young, and those early years are when they need mom the most. However, the more I thought about it, I realized that rationalizing my reason for waiting was festered fear keeping me stagnant. Besides, even if I did wait, would life honestly be easier? With overseeing homework, extracurricular activities, P.T.A. commitments, and more, I highly doubt it.

The truth is, there is no ideal time to do anything. Therefore, why put off until tomorrow what you can do today? That was the very moment that the light bulb went off in my head. I immediately began taking steps to apply for admission and ultimately got accepted. And just like that, here I am.

I wish I could tell you that I have found my groove as a student returning to school in my mid-thirties. Or that reading countless chapters, relearning how to format and write academic papers, plus exhausting late-night study sessions have paired well with diaper changes, bath time shenanigans, and toddler tantrums. But the truth is, that would be a lie. This journey is by far the hardest, most intense, challenging thing I have ever done in my life. Yes, y’all, this would even trump labor and delivery if there were a Richter scale for life, so we all know that says a lot. However, on those nights when I am rocking a sleepless child in one arm with a textbook in the other, I am doing it. When I am pressing the submit button at 11:59pm, I am doing it barely, but doing it nonetheless. When I am completely overwhelmed and under-encouraged again, I am doing it. The good Lord knows the road is so long, and the bumps are plentiful, but I will not quit.

Though my sons are much too young to understand now, I pray one day they realize they are my why. They are the reason I work so diligently to get to graduation. I want my sons to see their mama conquer her fears and accomplish her dreams. I want to lead by example when I tell them that they can do anything they put their little minds to.

What about you? What do you want your children to see you do?

I realize that going back to school may not be your vision, but I can guarantee that you have one. For some mamas, that may look like a career change. Maybe you have been contemplating a new professional endeavor, but have been apprehensive about it because you feel the timing is not ideal. Or maybe you desire to elevate your passion into a full-out business but keep second guessing if you have what it takes. It could even be that you want to take a leap of faith and relocate, but you are letting the cons outweigh the pros. Or perhaps you have been considering leaving the workforce to stay home with your children but cannot make up your mind, so you have been looking for a sign. Well, I am here to tell you that this is it. This is the sign you have been longing for.

Let me be clear; I am not telling you to make irrational decisions that you know, without a doubt, will hinder you and your family. What I am telling you though, is to remember the hopes and desires you had before you became the woman you are today. Often, we think that to be a good mom, we have to put our aspirations on the back-burner to help our family accomplish theirs. That is simply not true. In fact, we are better moms, wives, partners, and all-around people when we set goals for ourselves, strategize, and forge ahead to achieve them despite our demanding responsibilities.

You owe being your best self to your kids, but you owe it to yourself, most importantly. Five years from now, what is something your future self would thank you for doing today? With that in mind, what are you waiting for? Whatever your “it” is, sweet friend, I challenge you to do it now, even if that means you do it scared!