Let’s get right into it. Let’s talk about dating as a single mom. As if parenting wasn’t hard enough, what if we throw dating into the mix? Because that sounds fun, right? Oh, and what about a full-time job? And a house? And the sometimes overwhelming aloneness of being a single parent? So, you’re raising a child (or multiple kiddos), you’re working full-time, you have to think about things like gutters and pressure-washing the porch, and to top it all off, you have to be alluring and interesting because you date.
Juggling all of this is HARD. Crazy hard.
So, what happens when your heart gets broken? Ok, maybe “broken” is a strong word. What happens when you’re dating and things don’t work out and you really hoped they would and now you just want to sit on the floor with a box of Little Debbie’s and a bottle of wine listening to Taylor Swift songs like you’re in your 20s? Well, you can’t do that. Why? Because your kid wants mac ‘n cheese for dinner and the water filter on your fridge needs changing and there are 12 work emails that require your immediate attention and you’re the only grown-up in this house who can do all of those things. Where’s the time to fall apart? There really isn’t any.
So, here’s my advice as a single mom who knows this situation all too well:
Approved Places To Cry
The shower is an ideal place for singing and rehearsing comeback lines, but also for falling apart. Sure, your kid and your dogs are right on the other side of the curtain asking for things, but technically you’re in there alone. So, take a long one and sing sad songs through tears and shampoo suds. Parking lots. A good pre-grocery shopping cry is always therapeutic. No one in Publix is going to judge your puffy eyes and red face. Trust me. I know. And while you’re in there, buy yourself some flowers. Or cheese. Or both. T.J. Maxx dressing room. Y’all. This is the BEST place. No one is more supportive of a woman falling apart than another woman who can’t zip the jeans she’s trying on.
Motivational Quotes
Please understand that like any rejected woman – married or single, young or old – you’re going to be inherently drawn to motivational quotes for the foreseeable future. I’m just giving you a heads-up. While phrases like “Life, Laugh, Love” usually elicit eye rolls and heartburn, for the next 2-3 weeks they’ll seem like The Gospel. You’ll triumphantly declare “YES. I WILL live, laugh and love, dang it!” Social media posts, self-help books, t-shirts at Target, bumper stickers. They’re going to be everywhere. And, they’re all going to seem like they’re speaking directly to you. And maybe they are. Take what you need from it, Single Mama, and move on. Side note: Now is NOT the time to get a tattoo that includes words.
It’s Not You. It’s Me.
You’re going to think it’s you. Maybe they’ll tell you it’s you. And why wouldn’t it be? You’re constantly stressed. You have 500 responsibilities. You have a child. You have a co-parent. You have one night every few weeks where you can meet for dinner like a normal dating person. You have trust issues. And availability issues. And wardrobe issues. This is not your 20-something dating scene. You are not the carefree girl full of hope and fruity drinks. You’ve got Legos in your handbag and worries in your head and lines on your face and shapewear under your dress. Why wouldn’t it be you?
You didn’t think you’d be in this place. I know. Believe me, I know. Heartbreak is for the young. But, here we are. Helping with homework and trying to heal, realizing that regardless of the age, heartbreak is hard. Listen to me, Single Mama. All of the lines on your beautiful face and worries in your brilliant head make you deserving of so much more. You have lived and you have laughed and you have certainly loved. But, most importantly, you have survived. You are an amazing thing. All of the human beings in your life should recognize and celebrate and LOVE your amazingness.
Your little humans do. Your big ones should, too.
