The last year or so I have been getting many comments from family, friends, and even strangers about how much I have going on in my life and about all the things I’ve done and accomplished in my “short life.” The comments have been coming more frequently and it’s been weighing on me. I honestly never thought of everything I have done as a lot or as a good or bad thing.
I get asked about how I manage everything, and the truth is I don’t know. I just do, because I have to.
The main reason I tackle so many projects and get involved with so many things at one time is because of my anxiety and depression. I am diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression as well as a panic disorder. Staying constantly busy helps me not get in my head and over analyze every little thing. I have been diagnosed for six years now and staying busy is just what I have found works best for me. Some people say I do too much, which is probably true. Sometimes the comments are people who are impressed with everything I have done. I left home at 19 for the military. I am now 28. In these past nine years I did four years in the military, two and a half years for my bachelor’s degree, two years for my master’s degree, and have had three children while getting both of my degrees. Between those major accomplishments I have also moved eight times in three different states and have had many different little projects going on at the same time.
This isn’t a brag post. This is what I have had to do to help control my anxiety and depression as much as I can. When I have a little bit of spare time in my days, I automatically start thinking about how I can fill the time because if I don’t, my mental health starts to decline pretty quickly.
The comments I get about what I have accomplished come off as if I think I am better than others. I am not, nor would I ever think that I am. I am proud of what I have accomplished and the family I have created, but I am not any better than anyone else. I wouldn’t wish my mental health struggles on anyone. I would love to be the person who can be satisfied with what they are doing and have a little spare time in their day, but I’m not. My anxiety makes me feel like I always need to do more to be better. Every single person has to do what is best for them, their life, and their mental health. That is what is important.