The hardest part of navigating through my adult life hasn’t been the bills, stress, or even the responsibility of adulthood. Instead, it’s never really knowing where I belong. Let me explain: In school I never really fit into a category. I wasn’t into sports so I wasn’t a jock and I wasn’t popular. I wasn’t in the band or organized groups and I wasn’t a nerd. I just existed. Fast-forward to adulthood and I found myself in kind of the same situation. I don’t drink, so I don’t fit in with the ladies that like to go to the winery. I have always hated coffee, so I’m not one to want to meet up at the coffee shop to hang out. While I love being outdoors, I am not a hiker and I only run if something is chasing me, so I am definitely not an adventurer.
So I just kind of existed, not really feeling like I had a place until recently.
My kids and my family are my life. Everything I do is because of them. I am a people pleaser at heart, so when I see something that needs to be done or needs to be improved, I want to do it. For instance, when we found out my husband (and then a year later my son) had celiac, I was determined to make sure they never felt left out and never missed something they could once have, so I started experimenting with recipes. I started writing the perfected recipes in my own recipe book. We have made cakes, cheese crackers, Debbie cakes, biscuits, etc. If they wanted it, I tried my best to find a way to make it. I threw all of myself into cooking and baking for my family. Don’t get me wrong; I loved it, but sometimes it was lonely. I craved relationships from outside my family.
We joined a homeschool co-op and I volunteered to be a room parent for a while (someone who looks after the classroom of kids between classes and lessons). I was happy with this, but after a couple of years I felt like I needed to do more. Then Covid hit and we took some time off. Once we started back up, I was ready to teach a class, then I started teaching a few classes. Then I started making friendships and connections with other amazing moms and dads. These are people I can ask to pray for me, people that I can vent to about issues I am facing with homeschool, people that not only ask about me or the kids, but actually care about the answer that follows.
I spent so much time wondering if I would ever find where I fit in; then one day, I realized that I was already there. I am a part of an amazing community of men and women for whom I care and who I know truly care for me and my kids. If I am having a hard day, I have friends that will surround me and pray for me; they support me and we have fellowship and friendship that is so amazing.
Sometimes we are so busy looking for what we think is missing in our lives, that we miss what is right in front of us.
