Many things about me have changed since becoming a mother. Obviously, there’s my body; my interests (so what if I wind down with a good episode of Bluey after I put the kids to bed!?); my friends and community; my free time; and my dreams and goals. But a big thing that has changed — that I totally didn’t see coming — is my mindset on mostly…well, everything. While my foundational beliefs have not wavered, my opinions on life choices and situations have definitely grown and changed by virtue of the humility earned by eating my own words.
I am ashamed to admit that in my younger years, I was pretty judgmental.
I thought kids who threw fits were poorly parented. I thought ADD/ADHD, depression, and anxiety were fads and probably weren’t as real or as big of a deal as everyone made them out to be. I believed people who homeschooled were weirdos and were hurting their children. I thought organic eaters were hippies who probably never bathed or shaved their armpits.
Through motherhood, the Lord saw fit to grow me through humility.
As soon as I delivered my first child, I began battling postpartum depression. Unfortunately, it continued on and intensified with the birth of my second child. In addition to that and losing several family members, I began having panic attacks and consistent anxiety. Through counseling and doctors’ visits, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression, and it was discussed that this was something I had probably battled my entire life. I felt like a failure. I felt like a hypocrite. I felt defeated. For years, I rolled my eyes every time someone said they had anxiety…and then I had to eat my words and accept the fact that I was someone who struggled with the same things I once made light of.
Once my daughter was born, it was discovered that my son, who was two at the time, had severe speech delays. Due to COVID, speech therapy was shut down, so we began virtual behavioral therapy — the best they could offer at the time. The therapist brought up a concern of autism. I was floored; this was something I had never considered. The concern was put on the back-burner since he was so young and we continued with speech therapy. Fast-forward to this year, his first year of kindergarten. Speech is going beautifully and he is thriving academically, but his social-emotional skills are somewhat of a struggle, especially at home. We deal with frequent tantrums. He has lots of anxiety about random things. And the issue of autism has again been raised. We have, through various avenues, begun counseling and evaluations to figure out the best way to help our son. While we don’t have any solid answers or definitive diagnoses, the current thought is that he struggles with ADHD and anxiety. Years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and said, “They label every kid with ADHD these days.” Today, I embarrassingly eat that humble pie as I watch the boy I love the most in the entire world struggle to control his impulses and regulate his emotions.
Three years ago, I quit my teaching job — my passion — to be a stay-at-home mom. Although I loved teaching, I decided our family would homeschool. I became so engulfed in all things homeschool, that I began to look down on my friends who chose public school. Within a year, I quickly realized this was not the best fit for our family. I swallowed my pride, went back to teaching, and now we couldn’t be happier attending school as a family: me teaching and my son loving every minute of kindergarten.
I write this not to sway you to one side of the other, but to let you know that it’s ok to change your mind, mama. Experiences, relationships, and situations grow us. They change us. They cause us to see different perspectives and help us to mature. They help us be compassionate before passing judgment on others whose lifestyles and choices might not line up exactly with ours. I also want to pass this on as a piece of advice: don’t be quick to judge other moms and families who do life differently than you. The next time you get the opportunity to spend time with a fellow mom, instead of forming your opinions or coming to your own conclusions, take a moment to just be present.
