Parenting is NOT easy. I always knew that. I was one of those kids who, especially as a teen, liked to push every metaphorical button my dad had. I was not terrible and didn’t do a lot of bad things, but I was your typical teenager. Regardless of how hard I knew parenting was, I also always knew that one day I was going to be a parent, and I was determined to be an awesome parent!
Fast-forward a few years to 2002, when I met my husband. Upon meeting him, and during our first date, I knew he.was.the.one. There was an instant connection. I also knew he’d be a great father one day by observing the way he was with my almost two-year-old nephew.
But, just a couple months prior to meeting my husband, I had to have surgery. A surgery that could possibly prevent me from ever having children.
A few years later, while going to church, my husband and I started talking about children and where we wanted our future to go. I told him I wanted two kids, to which he replied that he did not want any. I was heartbroken. Thankfully, he changed his mind and said we would start with one after we got married (we were not even engaged at this point!) and go from there. During the rest of pre-marriage time, I was secretly praying for twins — I wanted TWO kids and he was not sure if he wanted more than one.
In 2005, we married. We had already been making plans to travel to Alaska and Ireland, and other places before we had children. We wanted to live our life and grow together as a couple before we brought little beings into our life, knowing that parenthood would limit a lot of those ‘special’ times, and I wanted to be finished with college with degree in hand before we started a family.
A little over a year after we were married, my husband called me at work and said, ‘Are you sitting down?’ I said, ‘Well, yea, why? And he spilled it: he was ready to have kids! He did not want to wait. He said he felt the time was right and he had been praying about it. I was overcome with joy — my praying for twins and kids was becoming more of a reality!
And then I remembered that surgery from three years prior, and my ongoing problems from it. I was worried. Really worried.
You see, I had/have HPV. Because of HPV, I had to undergo several biopsies and then finally a surgery to remove the cancerous tissue. With this surgery, as with any surgery, many ‘ifs’ were a part of the outcome. There was a possibility that after surgery I would not be able to have kids, or that it would take me longer to have kids — but surgery HAD to be done.
So I did it. I recovered from it, and was then hit with it again. For almost two years after my surgery, I kept having that pesky C scare and would have to undergo two or three more biopsies. Luckily, my body finally fought back and kicked HPV to the curb. I wanted kids badly, but I did not know how the HPV was going to affect my ability to have them. So, after my husband’s phone call, I called my doctor. I stopped using birth control and was pregnant in a month and a half! I was so happy, as was my husband! However, I still secretly wanted twins — get two for one and be done, was my thought.
Looking back, being pregnant while obtaining a bachelor’s degree and working full-time was not bad. I loved being pregnant, and more so, I was not having any complications from my surgeries. I was not sick, just very tired; that was preparing me for what was about to come: a newborn baby during my last two semesters of college.
Since the birth of my first son, we’ve had a second son.
My husband surprised me again by telling me that he wanted a second kid. A kid that at the time, I was not sure I wanted. Our first son was three and I was not sure I wanted to start over, even though I always wanted two kids. However, we did and I have been so blessed and lucky!
While HPV still lingers, I am so very thankful that I did not have any issues having either one of my kids; I can only thank God for a healthy body and healthy kids. Finally, I am glad that God does NOT answer all prayers because now I am glad that I did not have twins!
Yes, parenting is hard. Sometimes it’s harder than I thought possible, but I love my kids and love being their mother. While I know I am not always an awesome or perfect parent, I know that I am doing what I have always wanted to do by raising my kids the best that I can.
For more of our How I Became a Mom series, click below:
Chelsea’s story
Danielle’s story
Jennifer’s story
Greer’s story
