Free time? What’s that? Most Moms joke, but really…could we have more time on our hands than we are taking?
The common culprits everyone and their judgmental mother-in-law suggest include: If you cut out binge watching tv, quit scrolling through your phone, wake up at the crack of dawn, then you’ll find yourself with an abundance of free time to do other more useful things.
I’m not here to tell you to stop the Netflix season crunches — don’t touch the remote! I do think however, that you can get down to root issues that are time sucks, sucking the life right out of you!
1. Following celebrities or influencers that bring you down. My sister told me about a beauty influencer on Instagram. We had similar hair and both used Aveda products. I followed her, learned how to curl my hair, but then day after day she popped into my Instagram stories with perfect hair and perfect makeup and perfect outfits. How rude!
Or, how rude of me to stick around for something that was strangely causing me to feel less than.
Before we let those negative thoughts seep into our perception of ourselves, assess the reason why. Why did I feel so affronted by her beauty? She was just the same as me, really. A woman with a passion for something and sharing her gifts in a positive way with anyone that chose to listen! No, I didn’t think her life was perfect, just her makeup!
The unfollow button is okay to use! If you’re spending time watching their stories and slowly feel the life being sucked out of you, stop giving them your time! Honestly, they probably won’t even know you left. A person doesn’t have to be negative to be a negative influence to you.
2. A wise woman told me to offer the answer “No” without an explanation to follow. Explanations turn into excuses which turn into guilt on your behalf. Don’t practice saying no to your kids or you might drive yourself crazy going around the mulberry bush of “But, why?” As adults we can swing this both ways. Respect another person’s no and respect yours as well!
Sure, there are things we will bend over backwards to do with inconvenience. Just make sure you’re not habitually saying “Yes!” for the wrong reasons. The guilt you self inflict when giving a response you presume is favorable to the other party could only lead to bitterness. (Raising my own hand on this one!)
Whether you’re a people pleaser, high achiever, or a Mom who wants to do it all for her kids, I know you’re saying yes with good intentions. But you’re burning yourself out being all the things for all the people. So much time — literally — will be freed when you take into account how you’re committing it. Which leads into my next bit of advice:
3. Don’t be all the things to all the people. This isn’t just for those #lovelysquares on Instagram, but for real life people you see every day.
Get out a piece of paper. Right now. Title it, “What I’m About.” List out parts of your life that you enjoy or to which you have responsibility: “Marriage, Home, Kids, Wellness, Hobbies, Business, etc.” Under those headings, list out subtopics such as, “Kids, emotional health, homebirth, responsibility.” If you need some time to think about it, take a time out while you do.
My guess is even if you think you’re a knot on a log taking up space, you’ll find areas to which you’re not only responsible, but also passionate about! How are you gifted? How can you prioritize fitting into your life the things you truly care about and not spending your free time on someone else’s agenda?
Sorry, I don’t have all the answers for you on this one! I do hope to inspire you to see that you do not have to be interested in or good at the same things as your neighbor. What if it’s not about finding free time to do more, but finding contentment in the gifts and people looking right back at you? You know how friends are talking about their “Word for the Year?” I’d like to offer you one that could be the umbrella to all your New Year’s goals: content.
Contentment with the story you are writing with your life. Content with your friends and family members. Content in your ability to place your best self in the best places.
