I don’t know if it’s just me or if other moms go through these same feelings as well, but motherhood can be so lonely. Hi, I’m Christina and I’m an introvert trying to make friends… I grew up watching tv shows with unattainable friendships, and man oh man, how I wanted those kinds of relationships.
The thing is, to get those kinds of relationships, you have to put in the work.
Yes, I said work. Friendships take work, relationships in general take work. My marriage takes my husband and me each giving 100% and now that we both realize this, we have an amazing relationship. The amount of work both parties put in — whether it is a friendship, marriage or even work relationships — determines the kind of relationship you get out of it. I didn’t realize this when I was younger. I wanted the friendships I saw on FRIENDS or Boy Meets World. I wanted the easy, no work needed, friendships we saw in 30 minute episodes where everything was solved and nothing was hard. I felt like there was a sign up for friends that I missed out on; I felt like I was always on the outside of these circles of friends looking in.
I’m an introvert until you get to know me or until I get to know you. This doesn’t help my friendship situation at all. I struggle to come out of my shell and put myself out there to even make friends. When first became a mom, I threw everything I had into being the best mom I could be, so much so, that I kind of lost who I was along the way. I started trying to be someone I wasn’t just to “fit in” with other mom groups. I was miserable and lonely. As the years moved on, I had a harder and harder time making friends; add to that the fact that I have four kids and a crazy schedule and you get a mom that feels lonely. I finally got to where I was trying to be more of an extrovert when out at the park with the kids, but then Covid happened and we had to be extremely careful due to my son’s immune system, so that put a halt in things.
I realized during this break that even when I would make friends or acquaintances I would worry the entire time about whether they liked me. Am I coming off too strong? Did I offend them with my weird sense of humor? Do they think I am weird? Maybe I should do more…maybe I should do less. Why did I just say that?!
Now I am just happy being me. I guess after having four kids, I finally realized I should embrace who I am. I am quirky, I have an odd sense of humor, I care deeply and love fully, if you are my friend, I will go to the ends of the earth for you, and I am unapologetically me.
So mama, if you are feeling the pressure to be a completely different person just to make friends remember this: you are perfect just the way you are. Be authentic, be yourself, and find the friends that will love you for you, not some made up version you created to be liked. We are all in this together, so smile and try to enjoy the journey.
