I know that as moms we are supposed to be there for our children, significant others, and loved ones. Maybe I shouldn’t say we are “supposed to” since I really do want to be there for my family. Most of the time I like being the one they can turn to. For the most part, I enjoy making lunches, making sure they have everything they need, being a shoulder to lean on, etc., but I do believe that maybe I am going too far in being there for them, to the point where I am forgetting about one very important person: me.
What about me?
When you become pregnant, people instantly tell you how it is no longer going to be about you but rather about your baby as soon has he or she is born, so you better live it up now. I totally get that, and to a certain point, I agree. However, there is also the saying that “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And, fellow mommas, I am on empty.
It’s time to fill up the tank in 2019.
The other day at the doctor’s office, I had to update a few forms. One form asked me to write my hobbies. Seriously? What hobbies? I don’t have any except for being a mom, which is exactly what I put. For years, I have put myself on the back burner and have been happy to do so. However, lately I have been thinking that I am not doing myself or my family any favors. I am overwhelmed, I am unhealthy, and I am exhausted. All these added together equal a mom who is too tired for playtime, impatient when I should be more patient, and resentful.
My days are filled with either work, making sure the kids have everything they need, laundry, cooking, cleaning, arguing with children to complete certain tasks, making sure the children are doing what they are supposed to, supporting the kids in their hobbies, and everything in between. You know how it goes, mommas, the list never ends!
Since the list never ends, it leaves very little time for me to exercise, meet a friend for lunch, read a good book, take in a movie, etc. I know it can be done because I see it all the time online. Moms who are having a girls’ lunch (some even have a weekend!), who went to the gym, who got a healthy dinner on the table by 5pm, who completed their work deadline early and not late, and so on. So, if it can be done, then how come I still am not making time for me?
Want to know why?
Because I am having a hard time putting myself first. I do not have the best self-confidence in the world. Weight gain, divorce and a lay off will shake you to the point you feel like a failure. Therefore, it is easier to just focus on others instead of the real issue: me. So, in 2019 what am I going to finally do? I am going to face my demons and that means being selfish for once.
I am going to make getting healthy and finally losing the weight a priority. I am going to make it a point to make time for visiting with friends (and not cancel!) throughout the month. I am going to make it a point to have a fun date with my children and have FUN being a mom! That is why I wanted to be a mom in the first place: to have fun with my kids. And right now, all I do is basically play “manager,” which is fine, but I want them to have great memories of me too!
How am I going to start this journey of selfishness? I am not really sure; I guess that is what my therapist (not ashamed to need one) and I will figure out over the next few sessions. But I am excited to find me again and to become a better mom by doing so.
