Share Your Messy Life

When I was a teenager, I babysat for a family at church. The dad worked full-time while the mom stayed home with their three young children. The kids were stair steps — right around two years apart — so at one point they had three kids under five. 

I adored this family (still do!). Even when I wasn’t babysitting, I would find myself there working on homework or just hanging out. Their loud, active house was very different from mine, where I was the only child at home.

Their house was a mess. It wasn’t dirty, but there was stuff on every conceivable surface. I can remember joking with the mom about it, as she was either totally fine with her house being utter chaos or covered it well with humor. She would say things like, “Just move the laundry out of the way to sit down!” or “Let me clear those toys off the steps so you can get to the bathroom.” 

I never thought any less of this family, despite my house being rather impeccable. I thought maybe this mom wasn’t as uptight about clutter as my mom. As I watched their children get older, though, the house got cleaner. It happened slowly, so I didn’t really notice until years later when I thought back, but as their kids grew, the mess kind of disappeared. 

What’s interesting is that this is the only family for which I babysat that just let the mess show. Other families would clean before I arrived. I would sometimes show up to a mom frantically scrubbing the kitchen, apologizing for the mess. This mom? She was always in the midst of the chaos, seemingly having a good time through it all. 

I’ve spent years thinking about this family.

I like a clean house, so having four boys means either running myself ragged trying to keep things the way I think they should be or letting go and being ok with a little chaos. This family taught me a lot, but two things that have stuck with me over the years are that a messy house doesn’t make you a bad mom — or even a bad housekeeper — and as the kids grow, the mess shrinks. 

I am so thankful that this family let me into their home and let the mess hang out. When I start to feel overwhelmed or like a terrible wife and mother because my house isn’t as clean as I’d like it, I remember this sweet family. I remember the mess of those toddler years and the fun we had in that house. I remember how cool the mom seemed when she would just sit in the middle of a pile of laundry and read to her littles. I remember when their kids were in middle and high school and they built a new house that was as beautiful and spotless as any I’d ever seen. 

I want to encourage you to just let people come over. Don’t clean like crazy or panic if someone shows up unannounced. This mom had no idea what an impact she was going to have on me just by letting me in, but here I am, 25 years later, writing a blog post about it. This family taught me that life is made up of many different seasons and some of those seasons are messier than others. We need to see these things played out in the lives of others to feel less alone. 

This is, by the way, different than posting pics of our messy homes on social media. I had actually planned a cute little hashtag where we could all share our mess on the interweb, but I realized that sort of thing wouldn’t have the same impact. We need to just take a breath, let our friends come over, and share life — messy homes and all.